WAW 20 years and wants out

[Pensacolabroken]

Serenity

you are wise and your comment gives me strength. I will not be callous, rude or mean. I truly am trying to prevent that perception and that is why I reassured her I WANT her to go with my son as long as it is a SAFE environment with the same school etc....

Good advice about my owning my mistake not the affair.

PMA you are right.


I have my own attorney consult tomorrow to protect my interests I learned that even in an uncontested divorce, the petitioner gets the legal advice, I would be in peril of signing something without knowing my full rights.

[Pensacolabroken]

Getting the total cold person that I have seen for a long time that also contributed to some of the pain. I am not alone in my blame. Appears she isn't too happy I am getting legal protectection either.

[Virtually_Handsome]

Mind reading again.

[Steve McQueen]

as of september 30th you were separated, go out, start acting single. do you a world of good.

[Pensacolabroken]

Not mind reading, she demanded to know why I am getting legal representation if she is.

She looked at some apt.. cant afford them.

For the sake of our son I agreed to be loose on the time table for now, but she must discuss her OM and I needed to know how we could start to rebuild trust.

I am thinking I may have more of a MLC then a WAW.

I am trying to balance the meanie attitude like Serenity clued in on with reason instead of emotion.

I really got no where with her and her OM, other then she said I know IF and I am not giving you false home but IF we stay married I will have to make some changes about my friend.

She says the reason she has not dropped him from FB and still maintains him as a friend is because her friends have pulled back and she wants to keep the friends she has left. She also say I am controlling her by demanding she drop him as a friend, but she understands how I feel and knows she will have to drop him if we work on our marriage.

She also said I am not screwing him..

Now I am not sure if I push harder or relax on her a bit.

She said she is 90 percent on the divorce road.. and that I pushed her farther away yesterday with my demand she leave.

I am confused now.

She said she is committed to Marriage Counseling next week and will go a session at a time for now.

For her weekend coming up, she said she was only going to the Girls Night and cancelled the Saturday night over... she said she was pissed she was doing that. I told her I appreciated that.

I also told her I would like us to work on rebuilding trust. Day at a time and I would like her to let me know when she is contact with TKD guy.. she said he FB's her once in a while and she is not going to tell me everytime he contacts her.. I told her back again that HE is a Problem and she needs to help me learn trust again....

She says I am trying to control her.

She opened more about him then she has. I told her it is terribly disrespectful the way you communicate with a man instead of your husband.

So she made some compromises and for the sake of my son, I made some.

Am I playing it a little better?

this sucks.

[TimeHeals]

she said I know IF and I am not giving you false home but IF we stay married I will have to make some changes about my friend.

And you were OK with this?

Turn it around and tell me how this sounds to you.

Here's the setup: you meet a nice young woman, and you are sleeping with her, so you go to your wife and you say... "If we stay married---and I don't want to give you false hope--I'm probably going to have stop sleeping with my girlfriend".

How does that sound to you now?

[TimeHeals]

PS. I don't think you are "playing" anything better, and why is it "playing"? This is your life we are talking about, right?

Why are you talking about rebuilding trust with somebody who will not even commit to not seeing other men? You can't rebuild trust under those conditions.

Please try to stop seeing and hearing what you want to see or hear and listen and watch.

[Steve McQueen]

I am thinking I may have more of a MLC then a WAW.

quit the idiot talk. you have a wife that thinks some other guy is superman.

you are either in or out on this one. if she needs to find herself then that is what she needs to you and so should you. if you are going to work it out together ... your answer is above.

[Pensacolabroken]

Time,

poor choice of words. I dont see this as a game at all. I should have said, "how am I doing?"

We just got done talking again. She was wide awake. I told her I cant rebuild trust with her while OM is in the picture. I said it was across any boundry for a wife or husband to be in such close contact with another person and that replaces the partner. She said she DID reach out to him but didnt want to discuss any details. She said he has backed way off and they have only had contact a couple of times on FB and 2 phone calls. I told her that was too many.

She asked what I wanted to see happen, I told her No Contact period.. she said that she wants to do that, that it would be easy, but she is afraid it is me simply controlling her. I told her it was me maintaining the boundries of marriage that she agreed with.

She said she could understand that. I told her I must have transparency to rebuild the trust to be able to even address the past issues. I told her a first start is Dump from FB and then NC.

She said she is not in a place yet to do that.

Ball in her court.

Steve, what was the answer?

[Pensacolabroken]

Time,

You asked why would I commit to someone who wont commit to not seeing other men? I dont know she for certain that she is seeing him, I do know she wont commit yet but she is considering it and actually asked me my terms again which I stated Off of FB no contact no calls or emails period.

It is a cart before the horse situation. I have told her my boundry is clear. I am not retreating on that. She is now discussing it with me. Before it was zero chance and now we are a little more movement to the other direction.

Is this a patience test?