You could have validated her feelings more, however.
I'm wondering what was intended by "I'll see you later."
Ill see you later where i come from means the same thing as bye. Its just a response that i say no matter if i ever see someone again, or if i see them everyday.
Well done today. I'm pulling for you. Just wanted to give you my $0.02 that I think your tacitcs are right now the mark. Who knows what will happen but you are doing well.
That said, what do I know? I'm here too!
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
The next step for me i think will be to continue more of the same. While I want to bite right now, I'm just going to continue to give space and GAL. The one thing that I want to run by everyone here though is any of the things that she talked about areas I need to continue into or do I just let everything go when she said she wishes we would have worked on this before and we shouldn't be here right now etc.
Also what about her saying she wouldn't contact th OM anymore. As far as I know she could have called him 5 secs after she left. She didn't offer up any transparency other then saying she would not have any contact with him. Next week do I take it up a notch and say I need more then just your word? As of right now the last thing she has from me was a text saying that I still need to think about all of this.
She apologized and i asked her why she keeps feeling the need to apologize. She said that she didnt mean for this to happen and that she feels like she messed up my life. I told her that no, you didnt mess up my life, ill be fine. She then said that she never saw us getting here. I asked her what she meant and she said that we should be having dinner with friends right now, and not being here. I agreed with her and told her that everyone is responsible for deciding what they want.
She then said she wished we would have tried to do stuff to not get to this point. I think she mentioned like talking to someone but i dont 100% remember. We then had a little more small talk. I was calm the whole time, never got mad, and had no problem joking about her awkardness. There was lots of eye contact and i cought her staring at me more then once. I just played it cool though.
"W, the past is past and I am confident that I can lead us out of here. But as long as OM is in the picture I will not discuss my plans with you. I need to respect and trust you again. How could you help me on that?"
do I just let everything go when she said she wishes we would have worked on this before and we shouldn't be here right now etc.
This was actually one of the parts where I felt she could have been validated. The key to validation is to hear the underlying feelings being expressed, not just the words being said. Also, the context of it being said, and even just the fact of it being mentioned at all are all relevant pieces of the message. (this is why so-called "active listening" is not the most effective means). Maybe you have an idea of what the underlying message behind what she said is.
Originally Posted By: Db9
Next week do I take it up a notch and say I need more then just your word?
I think the danger here is appearing to be too threatened by the OM. If it must be brought up, I would put it in her lap about what could be done to convince you that the NC agreement is being kept.
As far as going about any of this, is this something that should be said now b/c it's so fresh, or do I just let it go into next week unless she calls me before then?
As far as going about any of this, is this something that should be said now b/c it's so fresh, or do I just let it go into next week unless she calls me before then?
