I can see what you are saying, Rocked! It's much easier to set those boundaries when you are detached versus when your emotions are triggered.
I did talk to H tonight for awhile. He called and we made an appt to see the FT tomorrow evening. It isn't so much about marriage counseling as it is about discussing my list of must-haves for recovery and what he would like to see happen as well. (He is willing to do MC but I want to make sure we do a good plan of recovery - not just MC.)
H did ask about the time frame for coming home. I didn't want to say a specific time frame and he understood that. He seemed concerned that I was trying to get him to be gone a certain # of days so for some legal reason and that I was just playing along (about reconciliation) until that time frame was up. ???
Anyway, I said basically that I to feel secure about some things before he were to come home and I didn't know what that time frame would be - it depends.
I will say, this is the first time in a very long time that we've talked as human beings about some of the things that have happened. I felt like we were finally getting to some openness and honestly. SO...that was good.
I do not think we would have ended up at this point had I not called him out on the A and brought it to a halt.
I know there is a long road ahead and no shortcuts down it! We shall see. I am not wanting a marriage that is like what we had before. Now that I am a person of self-respect, I expect better for myself and of myself. SO: no one worry that I'm going to accept less than that...ok?! :-)
