Albuquerque living

[Albuquerque]

one thing I have noticed in your last few posts is the fact that you are analyzing everything - which is normal. but it is something that my IC told me I was doing to much of and that over analyzing every move he makes is causing me anxiety - which is very true!

I know that is why we detach, but when they initiate - how do we know what to do? All of this constant analyzing is driving me nuts.

I know you're right TAMF (and I'll try to call you tomorrow it's been crazy today). I have been analyzing A LOT. I think there is a fine line though. No, we have to be true to ourselves, but at the same time, there ARE things I can do to make things worse. I felt like I finally was starting to have a good handle on dealing with the MLCer H and now I have to relearn how to deal with a MLCer H that seems to kind of want to reconcile. It has definitely been tough on me to regain my balance and I guess my analyzing hasn't been so much on figuring out H (because I know that I really can't right now) but on trying to figure out how to balance my contact with him. And I'm still not sure I know the answer. I kept my IM off today and still received 6 emails and one phone call from him. None of which had ANY real importance other than one email asking if he could borrow the vacuum. The rest were funny pictures, funny links, funny stories etc. In fact, just in the time that I've been typing, I've received 3 more emails. A month ago, I would have mostly not responded since they didn't warrant responses. THAT action was unnatural for me. Now, given that he seems to be trying to reconcile, it seems like I SHOULD be responding. Therefore, for the most part, I have been.

Make this about YOU Alb. I agree with TAMF, stop trying to figure out if you do this or that how will your H deal with it and really just be YOU....

The new Alb...

Be true to you Alb - f*ck what I or anyone else tells you to do. Really this is your life.

Hells bells I'm trying. I'm doing what feels right. But I can't help but feeling like I'm in the battle for my life (given that H is in the midst of trying to decide between OW and me). I know I need to continue to work on me but it feels like the stakes are so much higher now. But I will continue to do the me stuff I need to do. Went to my coffee social yesterday. Have the performance of the play with my D on Friday and then Sunday we have another meeting with a group of people we've met recently. H has kind of invited himself to the play. I didn't invite him but he made a kind of off-handed flirty remark today that he wants to be there.

Now get back to steppin or pole dancing

No worries on THAT Eric! I am LOVING my classes. And yes, like PEI said, it KICKS your butt (and makes it a lovely shape over time). I think the pole dancing has been doing a number on my H brain in a funny way. Since he knows about it now, I'm not shy about telling him what class I'm taking each week. The class this week is called "Strip and Chair" I'll just let him chew on that.