I have always found that it was better for me if I waited and thoughtfully planned my actions when I got news like that instead of immediately reacting with emotions. It takes practice but in the long run you'll be better off. If sounds like you get that already.
In the time that your away, plan your strategy before you confront her. Have you protected yourself financially? It might not hurt to go ahead and get some legal advice to make sure you're heading in the right direction. Then plan what you're going to say to her and what you expect her to do. Are you going to ask her to leave? I strongly urge you not to unless it makes no difference to you legally.
Planning it out ahead of time keeps you from getting caught up in the emotions because, believe me, she will try everything to get you reacting emotionally. Keep the emotions out and stick to your plan.
I just don't get how she can do what she's doing. You don't throw around an assault allegation lightly. How is she thinking that will help her? I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
