New to this community seeking advice 2

[MichelleLT]

That is what you need to figure out.

Who are you (just you, not your family, not your marriage, just you)? What adjectives describe your true self? E.g. stubborn, honest, laid-back, scared, passive, aggressive, etc.

What do you want for yourself?

Your ultimate hope is to save your M. But not at the expense of yourself. In order to save your M, you have to become more yourself, more true to your self, a whole person who is capable of being in a healthy committed relationship.