W used my car to go see OM two Saturday's ago and leaves the address printout on my seat which I find the next morning. When I confront her she tells me she went over to "study" for her personal trainer exam and that seeing him that last time got the EA out of her system. She vehemently denies a PA and tells me how sorry she is about what she's put me through and showed for the first time what I thought was genuine remorse. I have the day off on Monday and we have sex for the first time in two months; I know I'm an idiot. On Monday she tells me that this guy is in her exam prep class that she just signed up for. She didn't know he'd be there but told me so that she wouldn't be "hiding" anything from me. Obviously the story doesn't add up and intel sources show all kind of searches on STDs and unprotected sex. Now I'm freaking out even though I took precautions. I talk to her again several days later and tell her that I want to know the truth and that continuing to lie to me was counterproductive. After a couple of minutes she proceeds to tell about how she went over to this other man's house—whom she's known for about eight months—to study and was sexually assaulted by him. She was rather graphic but insisted that she did not want to press charges. In that context the intel made sense. Naturally, I was horrified and furious by what she told me but she insisted that she did not want to press charges. She felt that she got what she deserved by pursuing him as she did, she was not hurt during the attack, and that she wanted to put it behind her. I put aside my anger over her actions that led her there and lent her emotional support. She assured me that all the pursuit and other nonsense was over and her actions toward me where very warm. Sexual contact stopped in light of the revelation of the attack; however; there was lots of hugs and affection between us.
Still things did not seem quite right. She was being extremely generous in her defense of his actions and even shared with me the other night that she was going to act nonchalant and friendly around him in class so as not to appear that he "got to her". That made no sense to me and I told her so. Late last night she sent an email to him. I'll paraphrase the contents:
"Hey XXX,
I wanted to talk to you about our hookup a couple of weeks ago. You know that I am incredibly hot for you and that I like you. I can't get past the "no condom" thing. Seeing as you don't use condoms.. well you get what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure my husband has installed a GPS unit in my car so he knows where I'm going. He has access to all kinds of databases and I WON'T(her emphasis) put you into a situation where you'd run into trouble, so I think it's best to cool it. You know I probably won't stay with him but he's being a truly model husband and father right now and with some regret, I think I at least need to go through the motions to work it out. I also think I need to stay put until I can get on my feet and get a career going for myself.
It's going to be difficult seeing you without jumping on you but at least I got to fulfill my lust several weeks ago."
This is clearly not the email one writes to someone who assaulted them.
I am done with her. I have nothing left to give nor am I willing to try anymore. Manipulating my emotions by telling such an egregious lie so she didn't have to face the music of the boundary I set is an act that I can not forgive right now nor can I pretend that we are moving forward. I need my SPACE from her so I can start living my life with people who want to love and care about me. I'm traveling a lot the next couple of weeks so it will be easier to detach and go dark. It's funny though how insecure I've felt when she originally decided to stay for a while and see how it goes and now just 9 hours after finally learning the truth, I have clarity of purpose and a sense of peace. Once I get back in mid-November from my trips I will begin physically separating from her.
Me-43 W-41 S-3 M- almost 7 W ONS affair - 8/9/10, confronted 8/30/10 Separation - Pending My sitch
