I've been following your situation from the very beginning and I really admire and respect the tremendous strength you've shown, not only with your H but his family and the school.
Your H sounds like he was a princely child at the best of times and I imagine you overlooked his shortcomings because there was something charming about his childishness. That charm has undoubtably been destroyed by his recent disgusting behaviour. Listening to him insult you on those tapes must have been extremely damaging and I can only imagine how hurt you are.
Because I have such respect for what you've done to this point I'd like to give you a gentle caution. The kind of talk you and H4L are engaged in is completely understandable. You have both been treated horribly and you are both trying to detach from the source of the pain. It is natural to focus on the worst aspects of that person to do that, in fact it's exactly how WAS' justify affairs. I'm not saying it's revisionist history to the same extent but the effect and intent is the same, to create distance.
This is fine if you have truly given up on your M but if you want to retain any faith that your M can be restored, I advise caution. You may wish to try to detach by banishing thoughts of your H and his A rather than demonize him.
I know that's easier said than done and please understand I'm not judging you, I just feel it will be very hard for you to ever deal with your H in the future if you continue down this road. This is precisely why the experts say when the WAS eventually comes around the BS has often already closed the door to any R. That may be where you are now IDK, if it is I can well understand, I just hope you are making the choice mindfully and not slipping into the mindset incrementally as a reaction to the pain your H has caused.
