I haven't posted in a while, am using a new name (same initials), and have moved over from the Infidelity forum. Since my old posts have disappeared, here's a quick recap:
Fall, 2006: WH, who is a University professor, starts working out and complaining about kids, money, life.
Spring, 2008: WH starts spending 15-18 hours a day at work and becomes VERY short-tempered with kids.
July, 2008: I read an online article called, "10 Ways to Tell if Your Husband is Having an Affair." WH fit 7 of the 10 indicators. Shocked, I check the cell phone records and am horrified to see WH is exchanging 1,000 texts a month with one of his female grad students, usually when I'm asleep, and one time from Midnight-4 am. I confront him. He confesses EA, but denies PA. I demand that he get rid of her. He tells me she's used up all her lab rotations and can't move.
Jul 2008-Jan 2009: We try to piece or marriage back together. He stops working so much, but I HATE that he goes to work every day with OW there.
Jan 2009: Discover they're still having EA, they've just gone underground. Furious and hurt, I report them to University ethics committee to try and break them up. Provost tells WH flat out that "as long as they're 'consenting adults,' the University will look the other way." Damn school won't even follow their own rules!
Feb 2009: WH starts to withdrawal.
Mar-Dec 2009: I walk on eggshells. WH mentions separation once or twice.
Holidays, 2009: WH acts like old self. I think affair is over.
Jan 2010: WH announces he wants to separate. I talk him out of it. He says it has nothing to do with OW, he just "needs space." But I discover she's dropping him off on side street near our home 3-5x a week (WH walks to work). After weeks of trying, I finally get a video of her dropping him off.
Mar 2010: I send a nasty email to OW under an assumed name with copy of video, calling her a whore, copying about a dozen people, hoping she'll be embarrassed enough to quit. Instead, the university police show up at my door with a search warrant to seize my computer. When they get proof that I'm the one who sent the email, she has me arrested for harrassment. WH is FURIOUS that I "embarrassed him."
Apr 2010: WH moves to basement to begin 6 month separation required by our state for divorce. He stops wearing wedding ring, stops trying to be a part of the family, comes and goes at will.
May-Aug 2010: WH and OW makeup and breakup a dozen times. WH VERY self-absorbed and spends most of his time at work.
Aug 2010: I read Jim Conway's "Men in Midlife Crisis" and see conversations WH and I have had, almost verbatim (even though the book was written in 1978!). Conclude WH is in MLC.
Aug 2010: Trial date for arrest. WH stands by OW, not me. Judge is SO appalled, she gives me a small fine and 6 month probation (minimum requirement). D.A. ashamed he ever believed OW's lies about her being an "innocent victim" of a "vindictive woman." WH announces he's moving out.
Sept 2010: WH moves out to pursue affair. Oddly, I'm relieved. Odder still, OW avoids him for nearly a month.
Oct 2010: They're back on again. WH is seen leaving OW apt at 2 am. They're hot-and-heavy for about 10 days, then break up. State-required 6 month separation ends Oct 10th. WH does NOT file for divorce.
*WH has had D 10 and S 7 over 2x in 7 weeks. D 13 thinks he's an idiot and refuses to go.
*WH & OW still on again/off again. How do I know? WH texts DDs frequently when he's home alone in the evenings; ignores them for days on end when he's with OW.
*OW supposed to defend her dissertation (the one WH is undoubtedly writing for her) and leave in Dec. I don't know where she's doing her post doc (3 year rotation), but if it's with WH, I will file for divorce and move on.
So...I'm still having good days and bad days. I'm getting LOTS of work done, but I have days of EXTREME resentment over his "not my problem" attitude towards child care, household maintenance, budget issues, etc. He's decided I'M the problem, so I get 100% of the responsibility for everything he can't bothered with? WTF?!! Don't I get a say in this?
I sang "I am woman, hear me roar" while I mowed the lawn for the first time in 15 years (after having to watch 2 YouTube videos on how to attach the grass catcher and how to start the damn thing!), but then hurt my back the next day pulling out the window a/c units and moving them to the attic for the winter. When WH found out I'd done both, he said in his I'm-never-wrong voice, "I didn't think it was cold enough to pull out the a/c's."
Sigh. Still in full MLC mode. 4 years and counting...
I love your synopsis of events. I know MLC is not funny, but you had me laughing my ass off at the events. OMG, thank you for the entertainment and your wonderful sense of humor. I have also sang the "I am woman, here me roar song" when I had to change a lawn tractor belt. Hang in there... Trusting
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! Because you know, if I couldn't laugh over this, I'd probably be crying my eyes out in bed. And who likes a wet pillow?
The kids have been home from school for 1.5 hours and WH has texted D 10 almost non-stop the whole time. Wow! He must be bored. Not like he has a dept to run or anything. Oh wait! He does...
I was supposed to go to a memorial service today for my BFF's dad, but she decided NOT to go at the last minute. Why? Too much drama.
Her dad walked away from her and her mother during his MLC in the 1980's and had a baby with OW, who had 2 kids from her first marriage.
Here's the math: 4 kids from 3 marriages = LOTS of bad blood.
Wonder if her father thought when he walked away from his 1st marriage that it would cost him walking his oldest daughter down the aisle at her wedding AND having her skip his funeral?
That when he gave power of attorney to his youngest as his health faltered earlier this year that she'd spend his life savings in a matter of months and cause friction between his oldest daughter and stepchildren?
Because that's what's happened. Stepkids HATE BFF - even though they've never met - and when BFF askes half-sister for accounting of estate last week, half-sister YELLED at her to "mind her own business." Translation: "I've spent it all, your kids ain't getting nothing."
What a mess!
If you're an MLCer reading this, THINK before you walk away! This could be YOU in 30 years!!!!
Found you, Sassy! Wondering what your latest scheme will be.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
