I actually went thru a phase in the progression of my relationship toward the ssm where I would "just do it", and it was ok, and sometimes I would find myself feeling something that I did not expect. I also tried to accept what my H suggested, that I was depriving myself by not wanting sex as much as he did. Unfortunately, more often than not I found myself feeling very distant, it felt more like a mechanical interaction than an intimate connection with my partner. It felt like he was only interested in getting, not giving, and was focused on the feelings that his orgasm gave him rather than sharing the experience with me. It was more like an "I'll get mine and you can get yours" attitude, which can be ok I guess if both people feel that way, but in a long term committed relationship it didn't feel right to me.
I also consciously tried to "just do it" again after reading the book. I have to be honest that I couldn't really give myself wholeheartedly to it, but I tried. Husband was not aware that I was trying this approach, he just thought that I was doing what I should be doing. He was noticeably happier but not necessarily more attentive, understanding or giving to me.
We have spent many years struggling with this issue. I can honestly say that I have tried very hard to accommodate him and make him happy. I don't think he has ever recognized or appreciated how hard I have tried because what he seems to see is that I have yet to become the sexual person he would like me to be. I think he feels that a healthy sexual relationship simply involves more sex and my definition of a healthy sexual relationship includes feeling respected and cared about while engaging sexually.
