It always helps the ego to know somebody thinks we are attractive. For some reason....it helps when it's somebody we aren't M to. Kind of makes us think, "Yea, I've still got it!"
Be careful, my friend. If she's pushy, she may be looking for a serious R.....but you don't need to jump into anything right now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Best thing you have done so far. Get out! Enjoy life! Meet new people. You will be amazed at how people just want to get to know you and have a good time also. No codependency. No drama. Just a beer and a laugh. Its called Good Times. They are happening.
You will learn a lot from this, about yourself esp. Know Yourself.
Remember the most common mistake people make in these situations is to becoming needy, desperate, and emotional. That in itself is the biggest turn off to someone that wants out. Look at how unsuccessful those individuals who act that way are at reconciling their marriages and getting on with their lives.
2) take 30-60-90 days to explore and find yourself. limit contact. start dating. motto: "I need space to figure things out."
3) most importantly - no arguing, fighting, threatening divorce. It just doesn't matter. There's nothing to say. There's no reason for some big speech on why you doing what you are doing. Just do it. Notice how all these left behind spouses are in such shock with the bomb. They make up fantasies about "fog" and "alien abduction" because they can't come to terms with reality.
They didn't see it coming. They had no idea. Their wives gave up trying to get to them. Gave up trying. Said nothing. They weren't stupid. They weren't going to give up there game plan in some emotional discussion on how they are moving out.
oh, and rebounds are just that rebounds. Keep Dating!
Mediation was yesterday, we showed up in different cars in the parking lot at the same time. I got out and she came over all smiles and happiness and gave me a huge hug. I wasn't expecting it at all, and it was kind of awkward for me because she was really into the hug. I wasn't. She asked me how I was doing, said that she was happy to see me....
Went into mediation and I was all business. Probably too much so. At times I was kind of a d!ck about a few things. We worked out 50/50 custody - nothing signed yet because we haven't completed the finance piece. We're limited on funds to do this mediation so we're having to take it in weeks. I got really angry and frustrated on the money situation and ended the mediation session by walking out. Probably not calm, cool and collected but it is just too much for me. I couldn't do anymore yesterday.
I don't know why, but I really started to feel like a big a-hole for some of the things I did and said in mediation. It was somewhat threatening or out of line, and I could have been more tactful. I felt it necessary to apologize for a few specific things to my W, so I called her. I apologized because it was the right thing to do - I really did do some wrong things and that isn't the person I want to be.
So we ended up talking, and basically she said that if I treated her with respect, showed her I was a good man, etc she would come back home....
.... not sure how I feel about that, and that's what I told her. She said, "I don't think you understand, John. Me coming back home is completely dependent on you. Right now I can't do that. But if things changed I'd be willing to try."
At this point I'm skeptical of everything she says, especially this. Sounds like bait to me, but it's the same message she's been giving me for a little while now, but just saying it aloud.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Next time you have mediation, sit down the night before with a pad and pen. Write down what you want in terms of custody, finances, property, etc. Then when you have the mediation meeting, use that to keep yourself from being an "a-hole" or d!ck.
not sure how I feel about that, and that's what I told her. She said, "I don't think you understand, John. Me coming back home is completely dependent on you. Right now I can't do that. But if things changed I'd be willing to try."
Look, dump the anger, but this ^^^^ is crap, and you should have called her on it.
Has she ever even apologized for cheating? That was boundary reminder time, IMHO: "I don't want to be married to somebody who thinks it is ever justifiable to cheat on me".
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Oh, and how you "feel" about it sounds weak. It's all about having principles, not "feelings". Following your feelings is how you two wound up in this mess to begin with.
To me, it's simple: if you want to date others, you get divorced. You don't do that kind of thing when you are married because it demonstrates weak character (integrity), and it's horribly disrespectful to boot.
Doing the right thing is a lot better than having to apologize if you are tempted to forget this.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
