She then said that I should have moved out and sorted my issues out then came back!!!, rather than not going and therefore forcing her to leave and taking the children from their home, I said that I didn't want to leave my family, I never expected that we would split, but I have to work on me to make things right.
She will need to sort the money side out, do NOT offer to rescue her on this issue, you will do more harm than good and set a precedent that you have done this and will continue to do this whenever she's in a bind.
As for forcing her to move out... was there a gun involved?
From what you said, you came home and the house was empty. This suggests that she had been planning to move out for quite some time. You didn't force her out, her complaint is actually the reverse of this, she couldn't force you out and it made her angry. You didn't get the oh so subtle "GET OUT!!!" hint she had apparently been dropping regularly for you to pick up.
You didn't force her out and don't feel guilty about it when she says this, it's just another way to keep you under her control.
I'm sorry to say it but she doesn't respect you very much (or at all).
Leaving secretly and taking most everything with her in the process is not very honest. If she had to lie and sneak around to facilitate this process of getting a new place to live and organizing movers to pick up stuff while you were out at work, it's very dishonest, she wanted to do this when you weren't there. Makes me wonder what else she has rationalized lying about.
Either way you're fine.
Tell your wife: "...I'm glad you moved out, I'm actually feeling better already, you never gave me space, you never encouraged me or appreciated what I did, you were always angry, moody, demanding, never satisfied, the relationship wasn't mutually beneficial, I was always jumping through hoops trying to make you happy and you never felt the need to do things to make me happy. Nothing was ever enough for you, do you know how depressing that is? That is probably the main reason for my depression, working hard, trying to make you happy and you were always so... BLAH!!!! It affected everything I did, nothing was ever good enough and I was never brave enough to tell you that your behavior was killing me, I was afraid of your reaction, and it sucks beans to live like that, I won't live like that anymore. If you had made plans that this was a temporary separation, let me assure that I've decided that it isn't temporary."
Now is the time for you to give her her walking papers because you've decided that the relationship is over: - tell her "I've had enough!" - Give her notice of "employment termination" ;-) - Give her score card of every item where she failed - Give her the reasons why you can't take her back - Give her the reasons why it would never work out for the two of you - tell her you will be filing for D and any preconceived notions of you supporting her financially for eternity are foolish, you won't be walked on like a doormat anymore, enough is enough
Don't pursue her. Don't beg her. Don't be needy and clingy and appear insecure.
You will act like this is the greatest thing that could have happened and if you're smart, you will make it that way. This decision on her part is her loss, not yours.
