Her: "The father comment was related to how you said you feel guilty and like a bad father because you just didn't want to interact with the kids when you wanted time for you or were too tired. I never said you were a bad father. My mixed messages was me trying to stay connected to you. I communicated to you over and over and I would believe you didn't understand if you have not made temporary changes. I think it is making you feel better to point fingers at me - then fine point. You are making me miserable and unhealthy"
Me: "It done's matter any more. Nothing does."
Her: "the kids matter"
Me: "Don't tell me it's making you miserable. I'm doing all I can. Will make any change. Any sacrifice. it is you that has given up on our family with this delusion that we'll all be happy. Talk about Fu&^ed up thinking. This is not the path to happiness for anyone>
Me: "And BTW when we tell the kids, it will not be "we decided" it will be "mom decided"
Her: "Bully me all you want. I won't them in the middle of this. Those are the types of comments that will damage them. I would never elaborate as to how we got here"
Her: "Saying something like that to them would come from a bad father"
Me: "I'm not bullying"
Her: "Yes you are. I am emotional too and I am not treating you like this and using the kids against you. How dare you."
Me: "Sorry. Anger. I won't do that to them"
OMG. What a damn mess.
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
Her: "The father comment was related to how you said you feel guilty and like a bad father because you just didn't want to interact with the kids when you wanted time for you or were too tired. I never said you were a bad father. My mixed messages was me trying to stay connected to you. I communicated to you over and over and I would believe you didn't understand if you have not made temporary changes. I think it is making you feel better to point fingers at me - then fine point. You are making me miserable and unhealthy"
You are going through co-dependence withdrawal, and it's brutal. Just as bad as withdrawal from drugsTry not to beat yourself up. You did damage your situation, but I've learned these kinds of things aren't fatal. Time will fix it, but only if you do the work you need to do. Become a man she will CHOOSE to be with, but not for HER, for YOU.
Keep reminding yourself you don't NEED her, you don't NEED her, you don't NEED her. Sure, you love her, you want to keep your family intact, but you don't NEED her in order for you to be fundamentally ok. You were fine before you ever met her. You'd be ok if she died, after a period of grieving of course. She doesn't have some magic that makes your life worth living. That magic is inside you. You've just forgotten it.
It's so hard to see this while you're in the grip of withdrawal from co-dependence, but try. The neediness is incredibly unattractive to her.
We all make mistakes along the way. Learn from it and don't make this one again. The past is done, move on...move on with YOUR life.
Look at yourself in the mirror, figure out why you did this, and then demand more respect from yourself.
You'll be ok... You can be stronger. You can do this!
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
