Still needing some encouragement

[kissak]

Thanks Eric and Snodderly....

Well, you were right about the article. He did ask for it last night when he got home. He read it, then wanted ME to come read it to him so we could discuss it. He was a little insulted that I want him to do nice things for me...actually to him it came across as "you want me to kiss your butt all day so I can get sex at night?" SO, he didnt see my side at all. He saw it the way he wanted to. We had a long discusion about it, which he tells me this morning that he thought it was a good discussion, just that nothing was resolved. I have a feeling that if I had sat there and agreed with everything he said, that would have been the resolving he was talking about.

Anyway, he did tell me what his therapist asks him everytime he goes...she asks "how is the fire burning today"..he said his answer has always been "smoldering". Also discussed with me how he had felt mislead back when he first came home...that I had told him he could move in after the holidays, but it was March before I let him move all his stuff back in...yet he had been practially staying there most nights anyway...I just hadnt said "ok, move back now". Im confused to how I mislead him. I was only being careful...then after he said that he also said "well, I know you werent misleading me, but that's how I felt."

Ugh. Im fighting with myself this morning. My head is saying "your done, he isnt going to change at all, he doesnt love you, its never going to work"...then that stupid little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering "just do this one more thing, maybe he will want you then".

Why wont that stupid little voice just shut up already???

Maybe he keeps asking me what IM thinking hoping that maybe I will say "its over".

Well, it just might be time....if I could drown out that whisper.

Time for ME today. I want to take my kids to the fair tonight. I have lots to do at work today. I will not let my H bother me...although he has already started with the "what u thinking today". I just told him that I werent really thinking about anything right that minute.