My Situation - any thoughts or ideas

[XYZ]

Last 18 hours have been a disaster. I'm afraid it's done.

Dinner started poorly. I took a hard line. She said something about it's weird being in the house and sharing a bed and bathroom, etc. I said, fine move out. She asked why she should move out. I replied because this is your choice. To which she replied, it's not a choice and it's your doing. I told her I wasn't moving out. Then she asked what I expected the kids to do it if she moved out and I said they'd stay with me. That put her over the top. She said this isn't the way to be friends. To which I replied that I'm not sure I can be friends. I can be friendly, civil and cordial, but not friends. She ask why the flip-flop. I told her that being friends now might be possible, but once she started dating no way. She told me I wasn't acting like myself and she could tell I was lying. That's when all hell broke loose....

I broke down. I said yes, I want to be your friend. I went into a weepy passionate speech about how I have to be strong and confident and patient because I know that if I am one day she'll figure out that we can work on this and I just have to stay strong and patient until that day. This went on for about 5 minutes. We both teared up.

The conversation improved and tension subsided. And then....I said I have a proposal for you. If this feels like pressure, tell me and I'll back off. I said don't answer me now, but we both know the house won't sell doing the holidays. Can't you agree to try until January and if we have no progress I won't hold us up any longer. She didn't answer, but the conversation remained light.

Then this morning I fell apart in front of her. Bad move I know. I cried. I vomited. Then I send her a text saying: "will you please think about what I ask last night? I just need a little hope". She replied that "it's unfair of me to give you false hope". Then I lost it. I started rapid firing text back to her.

I told her "How can you do this? You always said you'd never leave me. You always said I was nuts when I said I loved you move. And you just drop me and destroy our lives and our family without giving it everything. The kids will not be ok. I will not be ok. You will not be ok. We will all be miserable and our problems are so fixable. Who are you? Where is the women I love with all my heart and soul?"

Then I sent: "At least now I understand your anger. Because I feel it too"

She replied: "Your is different"

Me: "Don't tell me how I feel"

Me: "And by the way, it is 50/50 {She claims this is all my fault) and if you think otherwise you're either delusional or just trying to feel better about yourself."

Me: "Your revisionist history is un-f*&&ing believable"

Her: "I don't know what that means"

Me: "It means you're "revising" what really happened to fit what you now want to have happened so that you feel better about what you're doing."

Her: "Oh, I don't feel good at all and I haven't for a long time. You have always gotten what you needed from our marriage and I communicated to your repeatedly. You explained it to your parents and all. I'm sorry you are angry because it's not a good feeling"

Me: "Sorry to burst your bubble but you absolutely did not communicate effectively. Queen of mixed messages. Queen of not being clear. No doubt about it"

Me: " And to make comments about how I've been as a father is low and absurd. Not to mention - once again - contrary to what you've always told me about how great a dad I am"

Me: "BullS*(& I've always gotten what I need"

Me again (15 minutes later): "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me. I'm a desperate man and I know it could work given half a chance and I can't tell you how hopeless and devastated I feel. Please please please reconsider just 1 more try. What's the risk of it?"


WOW! Talk about falling off the wagon. I'm screwed now for sure. I don't know how to recover from this. Maybe it's time to give up.

X