WAW 20 years and wants out

[gutwrenching]

Pensacola - wow, you are doing great. I would be careful how times I reiterated I want you out...you don't want to seem mean, just confident. Your needs will change, at least that is what I experienced...and yes my needs became greater.

Complete transparency is key...again learn from others mistakes (mine included)...

If you get the opportunity, I would re-iterate what it would take for you to CONSIDER allowing her back...and then clearly state the boundary(ies)

[Pensacolabroken]

Gut,

thanks.

On the complete transparency I think I understand my definition:
No more FB contact verified deletion of OM
No more walk away and look at Cell phone behavior
Full Disclosure on Who, when, where (save the Why for MC)

Proof is the difficult part.

She still has not broken off contact with him nor stated she will. She is still in the denial stun phase that I want her OUT and I am moving on...

I am standing behind that this is NON NEGOTIABLE. and more importantly it is HER choice.

I will look for the opportunity to re-iterate the boundry again.

She has a big decision to make this weekend. She has her girls night out on Friday and her "i need my space" night on Saturday so that is 2 days away from me and I told her that I know she is going to be with the OM. She got defensive and stated that she probably wont even go to the Girls night Out now.. I told her to do whatever.

Me? I am making plans to spend Saturday on the water with my Son and we are boating over for Cheeseburgers. and I am REALLY looking forward to that time to spend with him!

[TimeHeals]

She has a big decision to make this weekend. She has her girls night out on Friday and her "i need my space" night on Saturday so that is 2 days away from me

Dear God that is ridiculous. No wonder you sound stressed

I hope she's using her time to find a new place to live instead of just going out and galavanting around.

[Pensacolabroken]

Time,

thanks my brother. Yea that is why I decided to issue the boundry yesterday. She has all the cards on the table, knows I wont tolerate it, the EA/PA whatever is out in the open and she can deal with the consequences of her decisions.

I was not going to let her play me anymore with the denial that he is a just a friend, and that she is using this time for her space.. that was just simple BS and she knows I know it.

so there it is.

[gutwrenching]

Transparency - you need either no passwords or her passwords or access to everything when you ask for it. Want to know what my W and OM did when I didn't get transparency and said block him on FB...she blocked him on FB and gave OM her password and vice versa so they could keep up with each other...

Deleting him not enough. New email accounts are easy to establish...you need transparent access

[Pensacolabroken]

Gut,

thanks. Good point.. I intend to ask for all the passwords again IF she agrees to my boundry.

I dont know how I will know she agrees. She may say she is sorry she may not. when I see the signs, I will ask her Bluntly, do you agree to my Boundry of NC with him? that will decide the next course of action IF she does it. For now, I am not holding my breath.. I am breathing.

[Pensacolabroken]

and sticking to the 180's and the LRT.

[Serenity13]

Pen~

I have been reading your updates and I would like to kindly point out that you are sounding like a bit of a meanie.

As a woman, once is enough, however you seem to throw it in her face every chance you get that you want her out...

Say it once, hunt down some apartments for her, get some packing stuff for her, heck pack her yourself if you want to but stop saying it.

Actions (on your part and the fact that you mean it and it isn't just words) speak louder than words.

Set the boundary, state the boundary, enforce the boundary.

You set it, you stated it, however you aren't enforcing it.

Saying it over and over isn't going to do anything unless you man up and back up your words.

(((Hugs)))

[Steve McQueen]

I can see where your wife may be a bit confused and hurt.

You have encouraged an open marriage and exploring her sexuality in the past. Desired information about her private activities, had her open up and talk about it with you, then you used her personal sexual experiences as a method to increase sexual "spark" and intimatcy in your relationship. I can understand where you may have creeped her out. And may have made her question your intentions and stability. As well as her own personal self worth and desires. TKD has now given self-respect, confidance, and strenght to overcome this.

I have been involved in marital arts a very long time and have seen this "master fantasy" happen and progress so many times it seems cliche. A poom belt and a 3 degree black belt are not training partners. Six plus years of understanding Koryo vs. simply being tested on basic skills and knowledge is a significant difference. At the dojang he would be more of an instructor than just her drill partner. Now she has someone encouraging her to Know Yourself and understand her body and its strengths and overcome her weaknesses.

And now you are kicking her out of the house over it?

Are these not the consequences of your previous descions?

I consented on the grounds she tell me every detail.

SB. I assume you entered into this agreement after open and honest discussion? Maybe not. "I would understand if there was a physical ONLY relationship" I can't believe you taught that was possible not to mention how demeaning it seems in itself.

Yes my boundry is "I WILL NOT LIVE IN AN OPEN MARRIAGE" I concur I am demanding COMPLETE transparency and NC with the OM.

Is BS. You have encouraged an open marriage and are now reneging on it. That is not a boundary that is changing your mind and now being demanding and controlling about it. It is easy to throw your financial might about in situations like these and scare the crap out of your spouse. It takes a bigger man to understand why they would be willing to share their wife with another man in the first place and how to calmly and rationally explain to her that he doesnt want to play that game anymore.

[Starsky309]

But isn't he allowed to change his mind, esp. when it was such a poor decision to begin with?

Starsky