I am also intrigued by the strange package, but, word of warning, if it turns out to be the BMF, let XH find out other than from you. Remember the old saying "Don't kill the messenger". It could backfire.
On the other hand, IF it does turn out to the be BMF, which I find VERY strange. Perhaps you could return the favor by anonymously sending him the book "Dealing with Latent Homosexuality" LOL
On the other hand, IF it does turn out to the be BMF, which I find VERY strange. Perhaps you could return the favor by anonymously sending him the book "Dealing with Latent Homosexuality" LOL
Punkin, BELIEVE me that that I have explored that topic ad nauseam with BMF's X-GF (they dated for 3 years) and Jody. BMF has a long pattern of jumping from one woman to the next, sometimes 2 Rs at once. I think he gets a physiological high from the infatuation stage and the drama of sneaking around behind someone's back. Real addiction stuff......His mother had a very critical nature while he was growing up and even on her deathbed. I think he sees these Rs with women as a way of getting the nurturing he didn't get as a boy.
My armchair psychoanalysis thinks that XH is like a nurturing parental figure to BMF and BMF is a surrogate for XH's alcoholic mother. Just a guess. It would take years of psychoanalysis to figure THAT one out.
Thanks for checking in. I have been watching your thread and thinking about contacting you. Like you, I find myself in the friend zone with XH and don't know whether our R can move into the romantic zone. I also wonder whether at this point that I even care.
From a distance I see VERY positive movement in your situation. Don't know if I'm too close to MY situation to see the positives. I will try to post an lupdate on my thread soon.
Are you on the alt? Any chance of contacting you there?
Like you, I find myself in the friend zone with XH and don't know whether our R can move into the romantic zone. I also wonder whether at this point that I even care.
Ditto! My care factor fluctuates on a daily basis!
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
From a distance I see VERY positive movement in your situation. Don't know if I'm too close to MY situation to see the positives.
Interestingly I watch your thread cos I see it as positive but not sure I see the same positivity in my own. Perhaps we are too close.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
Are you on the alt? Any chance of contacting you there?
It's been awhile since I posted. Trying to batten down the hatches before the cold, cold weather hits. There have been a few interesting developments. I'll try to summarize here.
First, I am VERY proud to announce that I actually won a table tennis match at the weekly table tennis league for beginners (3-1). (YEAH!!!!!!!) Since I just began playing 6 months ago, I started last week in the bottom group with one other adult and two 9 year olds. Last week one of the 9 year olds said to me "Don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because this is your first week in the league" (don't worry, he was joking).........and he didn't! He won all 3 games. I laughed SO hard that I couldn't hit the ball because he kept looking at me like a cat looks at a mouse. XH knows I've started playing in a league and I fill him in on the funny details. The organizer told me I could invite XH to play, but I decided that this is MY thing. MY life. This is for ME!........and I have been having a lot of fun with this!.............XH and I have been playing table tennis together weekly for the last few weeks and plan to play again tomorrow night. Last week, as we walked to our cars, XH brought up the mysterious 'package'. He seems to want to know who sent it and is helping me in a big way to pull together evidence to figure that out. Can't go into detail, but it's clear that XH seems to be invested in figuring out if BMF was involved. It's like we are working on a project together (we always worked great together). In fact, today XH sent me an email in which he wrote that he has a sample of writing from the "alleged bunny boiler" (his words.....thought it was interesting he used this phrase) if I want it for analysis. I appreciate his help because at this point I just want to know who sent it.
Re: the mysterious package........the forensic scientist tested the envelope and the cover of the book for fingerprints. He found no legible fingerprints and only a few smudged prints. He said that's pretty unusual. When you think about it, SOMEONE had to have touched the book at some point, so that makes me think that the prints were wiped off. ..........Forensic scientist will next begin to look for prints on the inside of the book. I will hopefully know more about this in the next week.
I tested the food residue inside the book for THC and the result was indeterminate.
Another development is that the former GF of BMF has suddenly become very distant. She has only sent a couple cryptic texts in the last 2 weeks, one of which (3 days ago) said "I need to talk to you in person". I responded that I could meet later that day........no reply from her since then. Not sure if she's just ticked off that I am being friendly with XH or if she might be involved in the mysterious package. Time will tell..............
XH seems to be more attentive these days. Often (although not always) he replies to my texts or emails pretty quickly. This is a big change from 6 months ago. However, in spite of this our face to face contact has been limited to the weekly table tennis games. I have been cycling between trying to remain focused and patient and moving forward, and having the urge to tell XH to his face that I am walking out of his life for good. When I look back at where we were 6 months ago we have made TREMENDOUS progress, but I wonder if I still love XH enough to keep going. I am feeling anger bubble up now.........so I guess it's good that I am finally feeling the anger........I KNOW that I still have DEEP, DEEP love for the man that I was M to....and I will always have the memory of the special bond we had (.......and we still have a special bond, even after everything that we've gone through together)........I just feel that I am teetering on the precipice of being relegated to permanent friendship.........and that's not what I want............I think that tomorrow night I have to be a bit more romantic..........maybe invite XH to a movie this weekend. I'll think about this tomorrow.
Hey GAG, Great news on the table tennis front. So glad you are having fun and enjoying yourself with it. I think it's great that this is your time for table tennis without XH.
Awesome to have XH's assistance with the mystery package. I like the idea that the two of you are a joint force in sorting this. It highlights your compatibility and your joint ability to problem solve.
I always enjoy reading the latest on the package...the whole thing makes compelling reading....could be on your way to writing a novel here! I'd like to see it all mapped out with clues and suspects!
I can so relate to everything you're saying in your final para about the anger, the deep love and the permanent friendship role. I'm hearing you!! I'll be interested to see if you initiate the movie (I'm thinking as I type...what's to lose anyway? That's what friends do.......initiate invitations an some are accepted and some are not. Good luck!
I just feel that I am teetering on the precipice of being relegated to permanent friendship
Sorry, that is an expectation.
Originally Posted By: goodattitudegirl
I think that tomorrow night I have to be a bit more romantic..........maybe invite XH to a movie this weekend. I'll think about this tomorrow.
Patience. You can not make this happen faster but you can slow it down.
Lance, as always......thank you very much for your perspective. After reading your comment this morning I happened to hear part of a radio show today in which the guest expert was talking about how expectations in M can lead to anger and disappointment. The combination of your comment (and CW's comment) along with the radio show was like a message from above: "No expectations". Can never be reminded too often. I will try to reset my attitude......I know that the anonymous package in my case is causing some movement, so in that regard I guess I am lucky.
Cas and CW, thanks to both of you for your continued encouragement.
XH and I played table tennis for 2 hours tonight. He only slept 4 hours last night because of his work schedule today, but still showed up to play. I guess that means that he places some importance on our weekly games. The very first thing he did when he walked into the room was place a sample of writing from OW#2 and an item with her fingerprints on the table in front of me. The writing did not look at all like the printing in the anonymous package. Based on that one thing, I don't think she sent the package.
We laughed and played some fun points. On the way out I reserved table time in 1 week and told XH I would practice that day, but if he wanted to play that would be good too. Only Thursday evening (not our regular Wednesday evening) was open, but without hesitating XH said "I can probably play that day". That makes me think that OW#2 might not be in the picture any more, or he would have responded so quickly.
We chatted by our cars for about 20 minutes (it was cold and XH was wearing biking pants), mostly about the mysterious package (updated XH on the status of the fingerprint analysis), but also about movies. XH and I have always been big movie fans. I asked XH why he hasn't been going to many movies recently. He said that he just doesn't enjoy sitting through movies unless they are really good and he hasn't felt like going. This is a BIG change for him. XH and BMF used to go to EVERY movie made (lots of real stinkers along with the critically acclaimed movies). Made me wonder if XH is more depressed than I thought he was. I've only seen flashes of the normal, fun H/XH in the last 6 months. The man I fell in love with was consistently fun and a goodattitudeguy...........As we were leaving I said "I've been going to movies on fridays right after work. If you want to go together sometime, let me know, OK?" He nodded and we got into our cars..........It will be interesting to see if he takes me up on the movie offer.....
(don't worry, he was joking).........and he didn't! He won all 3 games. 
I laughed SO hard that I couldn't hit the ball because he kept looking at me like a cat looks at a mouse. 
XH knows I've started playing in a league and I fill him in on the funny details. The organizer told me I could invite XH to play, but I decided that this is MY thing. MY life. This is for ME!........and I have been having a lot of fun with this!.............XH and I have been playing table tennis together weekly for the last few weeks and plan to play again tomorrow night. Last week, as we walked to our cars, XH brought up the mysterious 'package'. He seems to want to know who sent it and is helping me in a big way to pull together evidence to figure that out. Can't go into detail, but it's clear that XH seems to be invested in figuring out if BMF was involved. It's like we are working on a project together (we always worked great together). In fact, today XH sent me an email in which he wrote that he has a sample of writing from the "alleged bunny boiler" (his words.....thought it was interesting he used this phrase) if I want it for analysis. I appreciate his help because at this point I just want to know who sent it.