well, i was asked to start a new thread since my old thread was getting too long.
so here it goes.
not much development - are you surprised? i am possibly the worst db-er on earth. but i did discover that when i stop doing what works, i fall back into the downward spiral. let that be a lesson to the newbies who are working on themselves.
i stopped working out and playing squash for about 2 weeks. during that time, i fell back into the depression that i experienced at the beginning of the d-bomb drop. with h moving to his new digs and out of the apartment building, the strings were being cut and i felt it. this triggered that spiral down turn. also, the legal matters didn't help.
in about 6 months time, it'll be my turn to move into the neighbourhood where he lives though.
anyway, lesson #2 is that intel information must be used wisely. if there is clear evidence that there is an A going on, then yeah. but if there isn't, keeping tabs on him is a form of control and can leave you paralyzed. it has to stop. (ie. stop doing what doesn't work).
being angry also doesn't help. if you think i've spewed crap on these boards, you don't know the half of it. my family was ready to declare me clinically insane. yes, they are worried about my mental state and i do have to take better care of myself.
during the two weeks that i stopped squash, i lost my appetite and lost another 5 lbs from not eating. my apartment was in disarray as well - i'm usually a neat person but the place was a mess. i just didn't feel like doing anything for two weeks.
hiding from people and not interacting with my friends was what helped me over the summer. when i don't interact with people, i go squirrely.
so tomorrow, i'm going to attend the orientation session for volunteering at the local womens' shelter. i'm used to taking care of someone else - when i lived at home, i took care of my parents. when i lived with my h, i took care of him. now that i am by myself, i have nobody to take care of. i could get a dog or cat but i'm not big on picking up after animals.
i read somewhere that in order to move forward, i have to give back. i've been so focused on my negatives that i don't realize how fortunate that i really am. i blew off the gratitude lists but really, i should have much to be thankful for. regardless of what happens, i'm gonna be just fine. i hate having my heart broken but life goes on. there are people out there with bigger issues than just a broken heart.
i won't be posting here much anymore. i am working on my recovery elsewhere.
i wanted to work on me. and when i'm healed, i'll return to help others out.