How to lovingly detach

[pearlharbr]

The problem here is that you are not willing to enforce your boundaries. It's all well and good to say you won't live in an open marriage, but when you caught him breaking that boundary you didn't enforce it. So now he knows all he has to do is say he's sorry and be more careful when he texts/calls/meets OW.

I recommend setting an internal deadline for how long you're going to live in limbo like this. Do NOT tell H about this deadline because he will continue his cake eating up to that day then beg you to give him yet another chance. When the deadline arrives then you can decide what to do next.

In the meantime, follow gutwrenching's advice. Do not ignore H, just don't be interested in what he's doing. Focus on GAL activites, change up your routine. Spruce yourself up with a new hairstyle, new clothes, new perfume, etc. Set up a schedule for watching the kids and then go out at night when you're all dolled up. Make some new friends. Say yes to any invitation you receive.

then open the cage door and let him out. no pressure, no drama. give him what he wants.

This is the key.