Thanks, all for writing in.

I am doing the best I can with thought-stopping. Being in the present moment. "there is nothing but walking down this hallway right now" etc.

I have a bunch of new friends, (thru running) that are parents. And these new parents--they LIKE their kids! Not like my generation. (miserable childhood, but whatever) So they talk happily about soccer, or music lessons, whatever.

And I am stunned and whacked over and over again...did X WANT this all those years? or hahahahha--have fun with that soccer crap, you loser! or --She is so full of life, so vibrant, so life-giving compared to negative old Aver...I so want her to have my children!

Etc.

Yes, Antler, I know I will make it through. Too late to kill myself now. I have fun most days. Some days I cry. Etc.

Can't believe it, though. A kid. Wow.

Now to check up on LFA.