MLC=Twilight Zone/When do I wake up?

[warriorshadow]

Hey Hiya Faith!!

Eric, I am up to having TWO beers for you now at L L Friday!

I can't be drinkin' all MHL's beer like this!!

[dl443322]

My two cents. Why would you want to go to dinner with someone
for an anniversary if they want a divorce?

Maybe she's thinking the same thing. Maybe not. Here's the thing, who cares what she's thinking?

There is no other reason for you to go and celebrate with her other than you are hoping for something.

There would be nothing prickish (?) about saying, we could go to dinner sometime as friends, but, no thanks on the dinner for an anniversary.

W, everyone is just looking at for you.

So, I always say when you're not sure in MLC land, go with your gut, not your heart.

[warriorshadow]

Hi Brook,

I agree this is not an easy issue. Your logic makes TOTAL sense

for a rational person.

However, we are not dealing with a rational person.

Maybe Eric is right on the money with all of it.

It's not like she is taking advantage of me for a nice meal.

The money comes out of both our pockets. We still have joint

accounts. Always have had joint accounts.

I know everyone is looking out for me and I appreciate that.

This dinner thing might just be a disguise for whatever she

has on her mind.

I am getting advice from people who do not have a live in spouse.

That is about to change in 10 days.

My life will surely change at that point. I am kind of looking

forward to that.

Then Warrior will have to LIVE HIS LIFE. Thank you Eric.

I will have to admit that all of this is not easy.

I have 3 wonderful boys that deserve the best in life.

They also see me and watch my interaction with my W.

Oldest S12 Just asked me yesterday, "Dad I don't get it.

Why does mom want a divorce when only a couple of years ago

she was asking YOU if you would ever leave her. Like YOU would

have been the one making a divorce happen." I gave her no reason

to feel that way. Quite the contrary actually. These kids are

smart. Oldest is totally aware of the change in W now.

When W said those things a few years back, it was an insecurity

that she had inside of her. That is common among MLC'rs from

what I read. They never feel good enough etc,etc.

This is the part that goes back to their childhood. Particularly

their dad. You can say I love you, you are a wonderful wife,

wonderful mother etc. But, they don't really believe you because

of the part of them that did not get that affirmation in

childhood.

Okay, I am not a PHD on this. But I am going to tread lightly

and carefully. I did not come all this way to just say F@ck it.

Communication lines must stay open for at least my kids sake.

Yes, I may suffer a bit.

I also can not be closing doors when I am not ready to close

doors. That would mean I am truly done. I am not there yet.

MLC does not go away after separation or divorce.

I get what Eric says about expectations.

I also know from my experience lately, that information that I

may not of been aware of lately gets leaked from my W.

My W seems not to even realize this. I could tell so many stories

I just don't want to bore everyone. She says things without

thinking as far as I can tell and forgets conversations, where

she left her keys, important papers, phone, (lost two cell phones since MLC started).

Gee, I could go on and on.

I get to hop off the rollercoaster when she moves out.

The dynamics will change a bit. I can see by Missherlove that

things are still a huge challenge just different. I am sure

you guys will be there while I adjust.

Sometimes I think we give the MLC'r too much credit.

They really are messed up.

Yes I am focusing way to much on W.

I had to in my mind to get to this point.

At the same time, I am kind of journalling so I can look back

at this some day. If I could not tell you guys about the wacky

parts of this, I would not have anything to post.

I can do the get a life part.

I can do the fix the Warrior part.

But I do want to tell the wacky stories for those out there

who may see something similar in what they are experiencing.

I have been reaping from these boards for a long time.

I should sow once in a while.

[ericmsant2]

Mr Warrior,

I am getting advice from people who do not have a live in spouse

Not me buddy – I live with my….uhhh….my…uhhhh….you know, my W.

I did not come all this way to just say F@ck it.

Neither did I Warrior. Here is the thing....at some point what are we saying f*ck it about? Our M or ourselves?

Communication lines must stay open for at least my kids sake

Agree 100% with this. They are the victims in all of this...that is if WE AlLOW them to be. Will they feel this - yes. Can we do our best to make it so that they are not totally f*cked up by this - YES!

Warrior - I remember our first convo my friend, you have come a ways....

AND you and I buddy....

we have a ways to go....

Guess what?

It's our ride my friend. ALL our choice.

Eric

[dl443322]

But, you're right, we dont walk in your shoes. We dont have all the same experiences on here.

You do what feels right to you.

I can tell you that if you are going to dinner in the hopes that she spills something or whatever, you are nowhere near detached. You are still putting an awful lot of attention on what her thoughts are and what her words mean.

When you do that, you can make yourself crazy.

Why? Because as you said, they are not rational.

But I am going to stick with my first piece of advice. Going to dinner for an anniversary with her sends her and your children mixed signals.

I am not saying to close any doors or to stop the communications lines at all.

But what things are you hoping your wife will leak? Cuz, really, none of it matters.

What matters is you and your kids. She has to walk this journey on her own and you need to let her.

It's best to get out of the way of the MLCer.

And get on the path to peace and fulfillment for Warrior.

[dl443322]

By the way, my h stayed almost a year post bomb.

[FaithnAK]

Hiya Warr!

My post wasn't advice, just an example. The dinner thing stood out to me. Anything you can take away from it is your choice friend.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Wait a second...

Warrior, you mean you're not going to blindly follow My advice?

WTF am I posting here for except to read my own awesome advice, I shall mock you and your choices from now on! Why are you not my robot?

: )


Warrior, good for you.

There are some general things almost all MLCers do, it is a game of statistics, and 'mostly' or 'sometimes'.

But if every MLC did the same exact things, or WAS for that matter, there would be a formula, a secret way and a timeline plus or minus a week or two.

Think for yourself, this place is full of ADVICE knowledge gleaned from success and failure. If you have a question regarding it, ask the poster how their advice worked for them.

General information about MLC...but path specific for the LBSer.

[dl443322]

Hiya Jack.

Yep, W, Jack's right. As I said, do what's best for you. Only you know what has transpired in your daily life. We see only a glimpse.

I can tell you in my case that when my h moved out, it was a lot easier for me to detach and for me to live my life.

Sorry if it seemed like I was trying to shove any kind of advice down your throat.

Those who know me on here know that that is something I would never do.

Ultimately, it is our life to live and our journey to take. Each in our own way.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

But, you're right, we dont walk in your shoes. We dont have all the same experiences on here.

You do what feels right to you.

Uhhh Brooklyn, I was agreeing with what you posted.

However I think if anyone feels 'stung' or sees that as a personal attack, they need to figure out why. It wasn't.