I believe it's time for you to stop all contact with your husband for a period of time; you've done all you can do to stand, so you may continue to stand; as long as you choose to, but you'll need to detach totally from your husband and go NC to allow him to figure himself out.
Don't have a clue how long that might take; but remember, if you choose to, you can end this at any time.
In regards to a divorce, if he wants one; he'll have to do all the heavy lifting to get it done, but you don't have to talk about it or help him accomplish this.
Simply let him go, as Eric has suggested. When someone gets what they think they want, it usually turns out to not be what they wanted at all.
Your husband is very confused; and it not certain of what he wants, yet he comes back to you. As long as you engage with him, he will keep evading his issues. When you let him go, however; and move forward with your life; it may be the act of letting go will be what brings him forward, too.
He still loves you, has deep feelings for you, or he wouldn't continue to come back to you.
He wants you to do it for him, and that cannot be; he must do for himself. The very fact he keeps contacting you, and you keep answering him keeps him stuck..as you are "distracting" him from what he needs to do.
This is NOT your fault, but you must break this line of contact with him; he's not going to.
That is why I'm suggesting NC; detaching, and getting on with your life...all the while keeping a door ajar.
You've got time to do this, and see what happens.
I don't know how this will come out, but I do know things cannot continue as they have been; he is cycling worse; and you're getting more tired as time goes on.
Don't let this destroy what you feel for him; to preserve what feeling you do have left, you must DETACH completely from his drama.
If he decides to go on, you've not lost anything; understand that.
You don't want him the way he is now; and you don't have to deal with him in the shape he's in now, unless you just want to.
You call the shots here, not him.
He did this to himself; placing you into a situation that was not of your own making; put you on a path not of your own making.
He started this, you did not; and there may come a point when you may have to put it to him in this way.
The burden is on him to do what's considered right, not you.
LET HIM GO
Keep us posted.
Much love to you, HB
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
