which means he really isnt serious at all and is NOT in the marriage.
He probably is NOT …at least right NOW.
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I sent my H that article on sexual desire. Its a pretty good read. First though I asked him would he read it if I sent it to him. He is always asking what I think, and this just about sums it up for me. He said he would read it. Then said he read part of it, for me to print it out because it was too much to read on his phone...so who knows. Maybe he will read it and learn something or maybe he won’t care and will not learn a thing...
You know Kissak, I often read posts about men like your H who are in their own crisis and cannot see, understand or even hear what their wife’s are telling them. Since I used to be one of them; I have to be honest with you and tell you that sometimes these post hurt. However; having been a self center, selfish bastar* I do have some insight into what YOUR H may be thinking. Notice I say may. Every person is different Kissak so please take what I say with a grain of salt.
As I read your post the first thing that stuck out at me is just how hard YOU are trying to save your M. You are doing everything you can. I see it. I can even feel it in your post. The unfortunate thing IMO, is that YOUR H cannot see anything that you are trying to show him. Why can’t he see it? He is miserable with himself AND NOTHING YOU DO will snap him out of it. NOTHING. You see right now, YOU and the M are NOT making HIM happy. AND by YOU pointing OUT that he has a problem, well in his eyes you are blaming him for BEING UNHAPPY and again, in HIS mind….YOU are reason for his unhappiness. So believe it or not, you may be doing more harm than good.
Here is the thing, by continuing to allow HIM to do whatever he wants, he is losing respect for YOU. In his mind YOU NEED HIM. In his mind, you are too weak to do anything about it. In his mind, he runs chit! It’s what he says NOT what YOU say. I am sorry if this is coming across as brutal – and I hope this does not hurt you. I am just giving you my honest thoughts on what MAY be going through your H’s head. Right NOW this is about HIM.
Does this mean that it is over that the M is over?
No – not by a long shot – kinda off. The old M must really die Kissak. The old M and YOUR role in it must die. You must find your strength. YOU must find YOU in this process Kissak.
Does this mean that he cannot change? ABSOULTELY NOT. I am living breathing proof, at least in my eyes…that anyone who cares to challenge themselves can do the work and change! That a man can come out of an MLC different. SO IMO, he can change. The bigger question….is can YOU wait it out? Can you outlast it? FTR, it is okay if you say NO. It really is. What is not okay is NOT living YOUR life.
Does this mean that you should STOP trying to fix him?
Yes.
You can send him every cut out article on M, on sex, on abusive R’s, on healthy R’s, on just about anything. He probably will not care. It is about HIM – not YOU. His sexual needs are about HIM – NOT YOU. His emotional needs are about HIM – NOT YOU. So…what is Kissak suppose to do?
Live life sweetie.
Live it.
Go read some of the other women posters who are just living their lives. Do they also stuggle? I suspect Yes…but they are no longer looking at their H’s. They are no longer worried about what their H’s think of them, of how they are living their lifes. No they are just living the best way they can.
I know you are struggling with fear and FTR, so am I. It is a normal part of the process. So……
Let’s me and you rip down the mask, face our fuc*ing fear head on. Let’s show the world what you, I and every LBS that is standing or NOT...made of.
Let us remind each other that We Matter! That We are strong! That We kick as*
Kissak – stop looking at YOUR H. Stop it now! Cut his as* lose. And IF he trys anything in the bed room – make sure you allow WHAT YOU want to ALLOW! Make it about YOU sweetie. Fuc* that – make it about YOU>>>>>
In closing, I have one question for you…
What is tomorrow gonna be about for YOU?
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
