So you agree then that the betrayed spouse does bear some responsibility for the breakdown in the marriage.
Is there an echo in here?
You made a point that spouses share in marriage problems. I didn't disagree with you.
It feels like we're stuck in an endless loop here.
Spouse share in marriage problems. Marriage problems are NO excuse for cheating. If you are asking me or trying to get me to agree with you on this, I won't. I don't believe that marriage problems cause infidelity or gives any spouse a free pass to cheat. If that were actually the case, why not come up with a sliding scale of marriage problems, possibly invent a high tech digital scale that married couples can post on a wall in their homes, somehow it monitors the intensity of the marriage problems and when the gauge shows some value in the higher extreme "red" zone, it will sound a loud audible alert (similar to a home security system), "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Danger! Danger! one of you will probably cheat, take appropriate action immediately!!!"
If marriage issues really become that bad, I suggest handling it like adults, seek the required professional help and if the help doesn't fix the problem, get a divorce and split up legally that way no one has to deal with issues of infidelity. Read the various stories on these forums: people who cheat on their spouses usually sneak around, lie, become mysterious and unavailable. If they really believed what they were doing wasn't the wrong thing to do, why would they have to hide and sneak around while cheating? Hiding, lying, sneaking around, being secretive, all indicate on some level that a person feels guilty about what they are doing when they are cheating on their spouse. This suggests that they know what they are doing (aka cheating/infidelity) is a bad thing, regardless of the combined "team effort" that went into the marriage problems. Otherwise why feel guilty? Why lie? Why cheat? Why be so secretive and lead a double life? Why not just come out in the open and say:
"I'm filing for divorce, when the divorce is final, I plan on starting a new relationship with another person. I'm telling you now because I don't want to feel guilty and be labeled a cheater. Regardless of our marriage problems, I have enough respect for you and myself for that matter to not cheat while married."
It sucks, it may sting & hurt the other spouse but it's honest.
That's my view on this.
Asking the same question 10 different ways in hopes of getting the answer YOU are wanting to hear isn't going to work with me, try someone else ;-)
What would we tell a woman who was getting abused by her husband? And she admitted she had a role in the relationship problems.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
