My Situation - any thoughts or ideas

[Coach]

She'll say stuff like "I know you don't want me to be around," knowing full well that I want the opposite.

both of you are mind reading.

when she says things like:

I know you _________

You just think/feel/believe __________

You just want____________

She's mind reading. It's a easy solution- point it out and tell her what you think. She really wants to know, it's frustrating her.

"No, wife that is not what I think. I actually really do want you around because _____________, ____________, And __________."


lead - show her how to act, go over the finances with her, talk about a custody schedule, agree with her, give her what she wants.

[XYZ]

I'm having one of those panic moments. I can't believe that I'm on the verge of losing the love of my life. I look at a happy picture of us and don't know what changed or when. OMG. I'm going nuts. I really love my wife so much. She was supposed to be with me forever. What happened?

[idontunderstand]

I'm having one of those panic moments. I can't believe that I'm on the verge of losing the love of my life. I look at a happy picture of us and don't know what changed or when. OMG. I'm going nuts. I really love my wife so much. She was supposed to be with me forever. What happened?

It won't make it any easier, but we have all been there.

Things seem like they are going along pretty well then something triggers that feeling of despair and helplessness.

IT WILL GET BETTER.

The best thing to do is know to expect it. You can't shut off your feelings with a switch. It takes time and determination to be able to recognize why you are feeling the way you do and how to change your mind set.

Calm down and think through it. Set your emotions aside just for a minute if you can. Do you deserve to be treated this way? Do you want to be treated like this? This all sucks, period.

Know that you will make it.

[soleil]

Do you deserve to be treated this way? Do you want to be treated like this? This all sucks, period.

Know that you will make it.

Excellent questions to ask yourself.

The panicky feeling is very normal. But you will get thru this :)Promise.

[XYZ]

Last 18 hours have been a disaster. I'm afraid it's done.

Dinner started poorly. I took a hard line. She said something about it's weird being in the house and sharing a bed and bathroom, etc. I said, fine move out. She asked why she should move out. I replied because this is your choice. To which she replied, it's not a choice and it's your doing. I told her I wasn't moving out. Then she asked what I expected the kids to do it if she moved out and I said they'd stay with me. That put her over the top. She said this isn't the way to be friends. To which I replied that I'm not sure I can be friends. I can be friendly, civil and cordial, but not friends. She ask why the flip-flop. I told her that being friends now might be possible, but once she started dating no way. She told me I wasn't acting like myself and she could tell I was lying. That's when all hell broke loose....

I broke down. I said yes, I want to be your friend. I went into a weepy passionate speech about how I have to be strong and confident and patient because I know that if I am one day she'll figure out that we can work on this and I just have to stay strong and patient until that day. This went on for about 5 minutes. We both teared up.

The conversation improved and tension subsided. And then....I said I have a proposal for you. If this feels like pressure, tell me and I'll back off. I said don't answer me now, but we both know the house won't sell doing the holidays. Can't you agree to try until January and if we have no progress I won't hold us up any longer. She didn't answer, but the conversation remained light.

Then this morning I fell apart in front of her. Bad move I know. I cried. I vomited. Then I send her a text saying: "will you please think about what I ask last night? I just need a little hope". She replied that "it's unfair of me to give you false hope". Then I lost it. I started rapid firing text back to her.

I told her "How can you do this? You always said you'd never leave me. You always said I was nuts when I said I loved you move. And you just drop me and destroy our lives and our family without giving it everything. The kids will not be ok. I will not be ok. You will not be ok. We will all be miserable and our problems are so fixable. Who are you? Where is the women I love with all my heart and soul?"

Then I sent: "At least now I understand your anger. Because I feel it too"

She replied: "Your is different"

Me: "Don't tell me how I feel"

Me: "And by the way, it is 50/50 {She claims this is all my fault) and if you think otherwise you're either delusional or just trying to feel better about yourself."

Me: "Your revisionist history is un-f*&&ing believable"

Her: "I don't know what that means"

Me: "It means you're "revising" what really happened to fit what you now want to have happened so that you feel better about what you're doing."

Her: "Oh, I don't feel good at all and I haven't for a long time. You have always gotten what you needed from our marriage and I communicated to your repeatedly. You explained it to your parents and all. I'm sorry you are angry because it's not a good feeling"

Me: "Sorry to burst your bubble but you absolutely did not communicate effectively. Queen of mixed messages. Queen of not being clear. No doubt about it"

Me: " And to make comments about how I've been as a father is low and absurd. Not to mention - once again - contrary to what you've always told me about how great a dad I am"

Me: "BullS*(& I've always gotten what I need"

Me again (15 minutes later): "I'm sorry. That wasn't fair of me. I'm a desperate man and I know it could work given half a chance and I can't tell you how hopeless and devastated I feel. Please please please reconsider just 1 more try. What's the risk of it?"


WOW! Talk about falling off the wagon. I'm screwed now for sure. I don't know how to recover from this. Maybe it's time to give up.

X

[pookie69]

What did you learn from this?

[XYZ]

I wish I knew

[pookie69]

I wish I knew

Did you consider sending a Mariachi band to serenade for her?

[Pensacolabroken]

Get back up. Dust yourself off.

I followed some advice.. I stopped persuing when I was looking up cell phone busters.. and I thought to myself at 230 am.. this is F*(@ ing stupid.. where is MY self respect. then I did my 180's went to MC and stayed cool and calm. I waited.. then I struck.. I told her to get out.... and I am sticking to my guns.. she has said everything from "why am I doing to this?" (love that one honey, same way I felt when you told me you want a divorce) to there is "zero chance our marriage will be recovered" to asking me if "I kept or cancelled the marriage counseling appointment"

I have gotten the effect I wanted... I have DONE something unexected and different and it feels GOOD.

try it.

[pookie69]

The best you can do right now is lay off all your pressure.

It would be difficult because you still live in the same house.

Find something to do. Get out of the house. Spend time with friends. Go to the movie.

She did not believe you over dinner and later you proved to her that she was right.

What do you need to do to be more convincing?

Convince yourself first.

You want her but you don't need her. Think about that and you'll get better slowly.