I'm going to post to you how I dealt with the dinner thing. Please know that I was unaware of the OM at the time. At the time I was in a complete denial and struggling with pursuit mode. I knew at that time I had a hidden agenda.
When I sent this email, I actually heard through a mutual friend that she was blown away when I sent this to her and even said she was thankful for the honesty. This was a fixing of my mistake at the time and in NO WAY reflects your sitch and where I'm at now. Just wanted to share this with you.
This is the actual email I sent to my W:
"As far as dinner goes…
When I asked you to dinner it was because I genuinely wanted to spend time with you without talking about the relationship or divorce or any of the past, but with a slight intent of “maybe” changing your mind about me. Pretty Weak, I know.
At that time I was having a really hard time accepting my guilt of not fixing myself a long time ago and after all the crap behavior I have pulled on you while being under the influence, I really felt like I owed it to you to spend quality time without any BS. Now that my attitude has changed for the better and I see things a lot clearer, it wasn’t fair for me to ask you to do anything you don’t want to do or are hesitant to do. That is NOT respecting your feelings. (And I’m a year too late anyway so no sense in trying to “fix” the past anymore.)
You have made it pretty clear that you don’t really want anything to do with me other than business-settling and since it’s bad for my well being to keep trying to change/save/fix our marriage and your feelings towards me…
I’ll respectfully retract that offer for dinner."
Please don't 2x4 me this was back in August. I'm in a different place now. Hope this just helps in some way.
