Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[gutwrenching]

Ok - I'm with you now. What good what her listening to tapes do? She knows what she said and of course she is going to lie about it or only tell partial truths. At a minimum, you need some healthy boundaries. I know you've read it here a bunch of times. I am not going to live in an open marriage. I will not facilitate you having an A and neglecting our family. When she denies it or minimizes it, I would have one quote from that tape ready to say back to her to make sure she knows the secret is done and make her wonder how much you know. I'd preface it with something along the lines of Stop. Stop the lies. At a minimum as your H, I think I deserve the truth.