Albuquerque living

[Albuquerque]

Alb, work on YOU, I don't hear anymore talk about your own issues that you want to address, the skeletons in your own closet, the issues you brought to the table that contributed to the dynamic. Return your focus to YOU. He needs to find his fixes on his own, regardless of how fabulously attractive he finds your brain Space has to exist, not for a day, but for a lifetime, enough breathing room to be comfortable and independant.

Let him lead the contact, continue to validate, don't allow any cake eating and continue to focus on YOU. Keep on truckin'...

Thanks PEI. That's a good reminder and something I've been telling myself. I just signed D and I up for a skeet shooting class. We'll keep on planning new and weird things for us to try while H figures out what he's doing. I told him awhile ago that if there is anything on the calendar that he sees we've planned that he would like to join, he's welcome. But I'm not going to be inviting him to anything. I'm continuing with my pole dancing class and have finally moved up to the harder classes and am loving it.

One of our biggest R issues was our ability to communicate. My ability to communicate with patience, forethought, and openness has been one of the key things I've worked on for myself. So it's kind of a catch 22 in that he definitely sees our communication as being so much better, but I still need to back off slightly while still working on my patience and communication issues.

I HAD planned to concentrate on myself today. And I guess I have. But this morning, H invited me to breakfast and said he was doing some "planning". I said OK but didn't know what "planning" meant. Turns out he's trying to work on his chronic disorganization (leading to workaholicism) issues. He showed me a new program he downloaded and how it works and asked me questions about how I schedule things out for my job etc. There was absolutely no R talk. I just let him talk about his job, his plans and answered his questions. He asked me what my plans for the day were and I said "just work stuff". That would have sufficed a month ago (if he had even asked which he probably wouldn't have). But now, he wanted more specifics about what I was doing etc. We hugged goodbye and he said he'd talk to me later.

I work from home many days, including this one. I saw him on IM (I was invisible) but chose not to flip it on. He texted me at 1145 and said "you may be getting tired of eating with me but wanna go have Thai?". I opted to go. Not sure if that was the right approach or not. I'm certainly not being the pursuer here. Once again, there was absolutely no R talk. Just talk about work, and D and just pleasant chit chat. And like breakfast, I let him talk and the only topics I brought up were about D. He still talks about the future in a way that's confusing. For instance, he talked about wanting to visit some friends in Oklahoma where we used to live. I recently opted NOT to go to Oklahoma for my 10 year vet school reunion. So he said maybe he'd go when I have my 11th year reunion. I don't know if he realizes what he's saying when he says things like this because that kind of implies togetherness. But I remind myself that even though he's somewhat less fogged up, he's still in MLC and therefore still confused.

When we said goodbye, he mentioned that he wanted to join us this evening because D and I had plans to meet with a social group for coffee. He said he wasn't sure if he'd be able to make it but asked me to call him before we left. I guess I'll do so. I can't help but feel like I'm doing something wrong here, but I didn't initiate ANY of these meetups. His actions seem to indicate he just wants me around right now even if it's not talking about anything significant. Is that still being too available? Is that still cake eating? I'm not really sure.