Thank you for your reply it makes a lot of senesce and I agree with it. I was quite angry when I found out about the affair and she knew it.
But in my assessment I don’t think the affair happened because she was looking to make me angry; as a sort of a test to see if I cared about her. She knew it would make me angry and it did. My opinion as expressed about her having sex with another man is just how I feel now after many months of living with it. And the point was that I can live with it with out it ruining my life. I do not desire an open marriage and she knows it.
In my assessment her cheating on me was an expression of her wishing to break free from her life that she was/is feeling oppressed by. It’s a common them in our arguments; She feels trapped by where we live which is a bit expensive; she feels trapped by our house which takes a lot of our resources; She was unable to do the things she wanted because we worked and had responsibilities; and now she was going to be a mom and it scared her. The sex in my opinion was an expression of wanting to through that all aside.
That’s why I feel that tension now would be a bad idea. That what I need to do is give her some space to sort her priorities out. I understand that after doing so I may not be a priority, but than that would mean this divorce is the right thing.
I don’t want to trick my wife into wanting me back by acting like something I am not. By creating some temporary strong feelings that may make her think twice for a while, but then change it back once the tension and strong feelings die down as life resumes.
I am me; I don’t have self esteem issues, I like who I am. I am intelligent, caring, loyal, strong minded, gregarious when I need to be and quite when it’s appropriate, and yes I take care of my baby better than many mothers do. If that’s not enough for her than it would be better to move on.
