She makes me smile, she's the one that I want to fight every battle with. I don't need another mother or someone to keep my house clean. I want someone who justs wants to go down lifes path with me and see where it takes us. I use to think it was about where you are at in life, but it's actually who your with that is the most important.
She makes me smile, she's the one that I want to fight every battle with. I don't need another mother or someone to keep my house clean. I want someone who justs wants to go down lifes path with me and see where it takes us. I use to think it was about where you are at in life, but it's actually who your with that is the most important.
You know, I could have written that a month ago. Word for word. And it is true! But not enough. You are not explaining why HER? It is passive. Women want to be wanted! She thinks you could replace her with the next girl who crosses your path. That isn't enough!
Now you may be saying, "no no no. She IS special. She IS the one for me. I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more . . . .", but the thing is, if she can't see that, it does not matter. How does she know? How have you shown her that?
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
I really want to thank everyone for their responses, everyone has helped me think from so many angles my head is spinning a little. This is kind of lime mel earning to speak chinese.
As far as how have I showed her that, your absolutely right and that is one of the things that I know I have failed on my part, but if I show her that now wouldn't that be me pursuing her? If I go and say your so great, you deserve all this etc. Isn't that me being clingy now?
This is kind of lime mel earning to speak chinese.
or english
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
that is one of the things that I know I have failed on my part, but if I show her that now wouldn't that be me pursuing her?
You and me both!
It does not have to be pursuing. I'm learning that there are ways. The easiest, is simply to listen to her more when you have an opportunity. I mean really listen. Say things like "It sounds like you are saying ......" and "that makes sense". Tone down the hostility, if there is any in your voice. Give her a compliment, when it is merited.
Let me give you an example from my experience. My W always asks for help with work. I'm happy to oblige. She always tells me I know more about her job and that I could do it better than her. Well, I recently tried complimenting her and pointing out that some of the positive things she has done. I can tell her she did a great job on XXXX without pursuing. It show I respect her in an area that has nothing to do with our R. It is easy, it it makes both of us feel good about ourselves. Win Win!
And yes, it WILL be noticed.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
So what should I be doing right now? Keep up with limited contact, let her come to me? Or if she does something like today where she is trying to help financially should I go out of my way to tell her I appreciate it. Keep in mind that we are separated and there aren't many reasons now for us to contact each other.
Patience grasshopper! Make yourself a timeline over the next three months. Think of 10 ways you can show her you appreciate her in areas unrelated to the R. Especially in areas that you’ve fought over. My W always complains that the counter tops are not cleaned. So make sure they are cleaned. If she comes by and says “I can’t believe it!” you could reply “Yeah, I just got tired of living like a slob”.
Things will get noticed. Just work on yourself. Let the interactions happen naturally. Don’t expect anything today. If she goes out of her way to do something and you appreciate it, them yes, tell her. I know for me this would be a 180. Courtesy and a positive attitude != pursuing.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
There seems to be a lot of mind reading going on with respect to your W. Only she knows any of this - and as long as communication is limited, there's no way to find out for sure.
Having said that, you're getting sound advice overall.
I'm probably the worst one about trying to read into what she is thinking. I just hope that the situation is not something completely different then what I've posted. I do have a tendency to focus on the things that I think are positive from her, and the things that make me question her beliefs in our separation.
