Feeling a litte down today. I was bugged by something last night. So H and I have not seen each other since I stopped by at lunch last wed and haven't really hung out since that previous weekend b/c of his crazy work schedule. Yesterday, he didn't have to work until evening, so he was going to be running some errands in the area. I asked him if he wanted to meet up for lunch and he said yes, but later said his stomach wasn't feeling good, so didn't. I was frustrated b/c to me, lunch really isn't about the food - it's about connecting. I've had lunch with him before when I wasn't hungry at all just so we could have a chance to catch up and communicate face to face. Last night he calls and says they are closing up early (at 10, but still would have to do closing procedures so wouldn't actually get off til later than that) and if I wanted to come over and visit him. I guess I'm glad he wanted to see me, but it still seemed a little selffish. He knows I go to bed by 10 b/c I get up early at 5:15. Also, yes, my parents were home and could have watched S (well he was sleeping, but there just in case he needed anything), but i just get soo frustrated b/c he doesn't get that first and foremost, we're parents! Yes, I'm sure we all sometimes miss our pre-child freedoms, but I love being a mom and wouldn't change it for the world! So anyways, I didn't go. Yes, I wanted to see H, but I was exhauseted and appear to be fighting a bug anyways, plus just out of principal. I think that annoyed him a little too (I could hear it in his voice + he never responded back to my text about S having dr appt/good night).
It brings me down b/c this self-fishness for S's and my needs makes me feel like an "us" is hopeless. I do appreciated hearing about the other couple you know that did work. That gives a small amount of hope, that maybe, just maybe, our R could go that direction too. I agree tho, it's so scary not knowing what the future holds. I only have control over myself. I know I would do whatever it takes to make us work but only H knows that answer for H.
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10