Still needing some encouragement

[ericmsant2]

Kissak,

Your post touch a cord in me. You may not realize it but you are also helping me…

Im afraid of struggling financially.

So am I Kissak…so am i. Guess what…I think it boils down to this.

What is more important – money OR happiness?

You can have both, yes. BUT if you could not and FTR…you could not only for a period of time, which would you choose.

I suspect that you would choose happiness. AND herein lies the issue. As a society we are trained to think that happiness cost money. If I only could drive this car, if I only live in this type of house, if I only had X number of dollars to spend on entertaining myself…well then I can be happy. Honestly, It bullchit.

Money does NOT buy happiness. Does it help, yes BUT you can drive the nicest car, live in the nicest house, have a perfectly manicure lawn and still be miserable.

Kissak, YOU need to find your happiness away from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. This takes a lot of work as I am coming to realize BUT the payoff is huge.

You want to kill your codependency issues? Learn to face your fears – no one can control your life except YOU. Yes you can allow them to BUT really you control your life.

And so that you know, what I think you are struggling with is the same struggle that I have right now.

Is it okay to be “done” – to cash in the chips and say fu*k it – I’m done.

I think the answer is YES BUT first you must define done.

Business is slower than it use to be and Im afraid of losing everything

Well then what are you doing about it? Focus your energies here and not on YOUR H. As for the fear of losing everything. If you do everything you can and still lose everything maybe it was not meant to be. Have confidence in yourself that you will be able to make it through whatever trials come your way.

Fear can only CONTROL you if YOU let it!

Im afraid of letting go and giving up. To me to let go means to completely give up any hope. That would be the only way I could move on with my life. That, I am afraid of.

Maybe that is the struggle for both of us. That constant push/pull of CONTROL. Guess what? More and more I realize that we must just “be”. Just live our lifes. Not afraid to make a mistake, not afraid of what someone else thinks of us, not afraid of what our S’s will say..NO – fuc* dat! Just live life the best way we can. Go with the natural flow of life. Will it always be a bed of roses? I suspect not BUT holding on to something that is broken, does not want to be held, and maybe cannot be fixed – how is that any less stressful.

What if I stay just a little longer...what if I give up just before my prayers are answered? What if everything would have been ok if I just gave it more time?

What if….
Could of….
Should of….

I too have struggled with this! Kissak, ya can’t live in the past. You cannot redo what has already been done. You cannot go thru 1,000,0000 different scenarios – just can’t. You may hold on as long as you want. Question is….what are you holding on to. Fear or your M? What really are you holding on to?

Im afraid of being with someone else

Then don’t. Who says you have to be with someone else RIGHT NOW?

More life lessons for me….some that I am learning the hard way.

1) It is okay to be alone.
2) You may not have a chit eating grin on your face all day every day when you are alone BUT there are some positives.
3) Really, we do NOT NEED anyone is our lives. Is it nice to have someone in them. Yes. BUT NEED and WANT are too different things.

Im afraid of never being able to love someone else.

Wow – I actually have even questioned my ability to truly LOVE. I am beginning to understand that Love as I had come to know it was flawed with my W. True love is something that I am beginning to understand much better. Does this mean that I do not love my W. No – on the contrary. I think I love her more now. You should not be afraid that you will not be able to love someone. IMO, you need to fall in love with YOU first. You need to feel confident about what you bring to any R, confident in who you are.


Kissak – thank you for sharing your fears with me.

The only real advice I can give you is this – Face them….

Some of them you have already faced

Now it is time for the real Kissak to come out.

Remove the mask, face the fear, spread your wings and

Fly……..

God Bless,
Eric