Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[TimeHeals]

Here's my thinking on that exchange: you sent the message that her moving out is a bigger problem (you'll take her kids) than her affair. The message on the affair was weak, but you were strong on the kids stuff. I get it. Your kids are important to you. Good. It could have been dealt with better.

If there are basic boundaries being violated, it's almost always better to deal with those behaviors if they are still happening (and calmly) when you are contronted by her.