WAW Using God III

[pigskin]

Journaling:
In any case, communication and her attitude have definitely gotten better. I just don't think she is "there" yet to try a full reconciliation. But it does seem less of an impossibility than it did just a few short weeks ago. Her stating point blank that she didn't want a divorce is a positive; it may just require some slow steady baby steps from here to get to serious reconciliation discussion.

Reconciliation carries some serious self-examination and some serious self-admission that she screwed up. That's the scary part. She may not ever admit it to you: "I needed that to see just how much you needed to change." It will still be there inside her skull. She knows the damage that she's done to the family and the flimsy excuses that she's based it on.

It's not a fun $417 sandwich to snack on. She's just not ready to face it yet.

SpinFree

It's definitely in her head. Our talk on Thursday was different in that she never once brought up any justification for her actions, which she ALWAYS would fall back on during R talks. Two key quotes from her: "I had it good, why am I looking for something different?" and "I think about what I have put you through."

That is a huge change. I've owned up to the ways I have fallen short in our relationship. But I always had the confidence in knowing there was nothing there that would justify a divorce when viewed from a third party's perspective. I know this because just about all of her closest friends and relatives have been scratching their heads over her "justifications". Most of them saying "What the hell?!? You haven't been dealing with anything we haven't seen in our own marriages at one time or another. While they need to be addressed, they certainly don't justify divorce."

And that is why I feel I'm not missing anything here. I was not a perfect husband, but I think I have been better than most.

That said, it doesn't matter that another woman might characterize her complaints as trivial. If it was important to my W, it has to be taken seriously, and I have done that. None of the changes I have made have been "against my will". I have agreed that if I want to be the husband I aspire to be, all of the things that have bothered her in the past must be addressed, and I am doing that.

The "Love Languages" book hits it square on the head. You can think you are doing a perfect job, but if it is not in the areas your W thinks are important, your efforts are falling short. That is an important point to grasp.

I haven't seen her current attitude for the entire duration of this ordeal, so it is definitely a step in the right direction.