Still needing some encouragement

[kissak]

Thanks Snodderly and Mila.

This is hard. NOt quite as hard as the first time he left me, but its still hard to deal with. I mean, I dont want him to leave. I still hold onto the hope I can keep my family together. But marriage is a two way street. I feel like Im giving all I got, even when I dont want to. ANd he will only give if he feels it. Well, it shouldnt work that way. Ive been giving and giving for quite a while now, without getting nothing back.

I havent changed that much. I mean, I have changed from the first time he left me 4 years ago, yes I am a different person since then, Im more aware of things and im stronger in all kinds of ways.

I thought alot about it since last night. Before my H came home, I heard lots of promises of how he would help around the house, do more things with me, help me more with the kids, etc. Well the longer he was home, the more I noticed he werent living up to what he said....so, not that i was harboring any resentment, I just felt like I had more on me to do. I was helping him do a paper route every other day starting at 4am...so I was tired most nights as was he. So, the intimacy was lacking...I didnt feel like it most of the time, it had also gotten to the point with him that it felt like just sex to me....I began to be turned off by this. I told him many times how I wanted it to be....I wanted more intimacy, loving, etc. I wanted him to take walks with me, help me with dinner at night...for everything he had excuses...so this affected me...which in turn affected him...so, I have noticed this, yet he still wants to throw the blame all my way. Here is what he told me when throwing all the blame my way yesterday...he saw that I changed and over time he just adapted to my changes, but he didnt like them...which has lead to all his frustration.

Nothing was talked about last night. I went to sleep about the time he came home from a meeting. He wanted sex (just sex), I didnt. So I told him no. He didnt argue, so we both went to sleep. This morning I found out on FB that a friend of his had passed away...I texted him to tell him that I had heard about it, but he was surprised. He hadnt heard it yet. I asked how come none of his buddies let him know about it...he didnt know. Strange, last week he got sooo many texts from people concerned about this person being sick, yet none of them let him know of her passing....

Now he is already texting me this morning wanting to know what iM thinking...to put him off I have just replyed "not much right now".

Dont know what to say. Did talk to a friend this morning who has told her H that she is taking her kids and leaving him. She makes it sound so easy. Like she is happy to just get rid of her H. Why is it so easy for some, and not me?