Ok, next chapter in the story... until a few days ago we were getting along great. Lots of conversations, updates on our days, etc. Not much R talk, but general good conversation. However in the last few days, I've really noticed 2 things.
First, the happier/stronger/more GAL-y I get the more angry, grumpy, and non-talkative she gets. I make polite conversation only and stay upbeat. She gives me one word replies (or just a grunt). She no longer initiates any conversation with me.
Second, I have definitely entered the "button-pushing/testing" phase. Weeks ago I started doing more around the house and more with the kids. Yesterday she tells me how I don't need to do small loads of laundry, but wait for a big load. She is requesting last minute schedule changes with respect to the kids (this was a big deal to me in the past and lead to a number of fights before). She's doing a lot of "I'll just do it" for stuff I've been doing the last few weeks. I feel like I'm getting 2 or 3 small tests a day now.
So far, I have to say that I've done a good job at handling these. I'm polite and receptive and not argumentative in the least.
For those of you that have been here, what do you make of these developments?
-X
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
Honestly...not much. It is early, she probably doesnt't know exactly what she wants, she might resent the fact you are changing some of the things she disliked about you, and probably doesn't trust any of them to last.
The bottom line, we can't mind read and don't know what she is dealing with and thinking inside. Could be she is just in a bad mood for no good reason
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
"There's nothing wrong with how I do the laundry. If I have a question about how to do it, I'll be sure to ask, ok?".
Seriously, who cares?
That has to be your attitude. Detach, detach, detach.
You're better off on your own than letting somebody else get you worked up, so go live your life, be polite and calm in your interactions with your W, but be firm, and don't take crap: calmly call her on crappy behavior.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
No affair. Yeah, we kept our regular date night schedule so that we'd have a chance to talk. Just dinner at the Mexican joint near our house. Kids with a sitter.
Last 2 have gone great, but this is first one since she's been more angry and tense. I'm going to be cool, confident, and maybe a tad flirty (that ok to do? I don't want to come off as pursuing). No R talk unless she starts it.
M: 39 W: 37 Married: 9 D5; S3 "It's Over" 09/26/10 11 Day Sep 10/10 Piecing Starts 11/4/10 Piecing Fails 4/11 I move out 5/11 Hire Lawyer 6/11 - Stall 6/22/11 Piecing #2 - 6/22/11 Home 10/11
I'm going to be cool, confident, and maybe a tad flirty (that ok to do? I don't want to come off as pursuing).
The keyword, then, is charming. Going to dinner is kind of pursuing, but heck you gotta practice your charm chops.
I say, think of her as a young Katerine Hepburn in an old Cary Grant movie, and that makes you... Cary Grant, I hope. Just because you aren't getting along, just because you are (trying to be) detached, doesn't mean you can't be charming.
I can say the most charming things sometimes... when I care the least about trying to impress the woman to whom I am saying them
Mexican food? Esta la Senora muy caliente?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 10/19/1001:36 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
(she's not having an affair is she?).
