No more games-Onward

[LanceSijan]

CD sounds good.

I will just throw this out there, when you go dark, there is no need to tell her. Just do it. It is for YOU to protect YOU.
She will try to test you and pull you back in. That is normal.
If you break the dark/NC don't worry too much, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep heading down your path.

She does sound like she is all over the place.
Keep your boundaries in place.

Have a good time on the R&R.

[CD Bear]

Thanks, Lance.

I haven't initiated contact since this began unless it had something to do with D2 or a finanacial issue.

I've pretty much started already.

She sent me a text yesterday about how much she loves the car.
(that she tried to back out of and I had to re-convince her to pursue several times).

I haven't responded.

In going dark, do I respond to anything? Is there subject matter I have to respond to? D2 obviously but ONLY if it's "important"?

It's not crystal clear in my mind.

And the point is to aid in my detachment, right?

Sorry if this sounds remedial.

[gutwrenching]

CD - suggest you read Sandi's thread in newcomers about dark versus detaching, there is some good info there and it is fairly short

[gutwrenching]

here is a link:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2091186#Post2091186

[CD Bear]

Thanks, GW.

I'll give it a read.

This could get interesting especially given my "trip" starting Thursday am.

[CD Bear]

I just gave Sandi's post a read-through.

With D2 involved, it will be near impossible to be dark. All I can really do is not respond to anything that isn't about something important regarding D2.

If she brings up the sale of the house and/or mediation, my simple response will be-

'I have said before that XXX is the mediator we will use and it will cost approx $XXXX. When you have your half saved, make an appointment and I'll let you know if it works for me'

A friend suggested I delete her from Berry Messenger. And I know a few (looking at you, Steady) will say I'm still concerned with her feelings but I'm not sure that it won't make 'the wrong statement' and/or will require me to tell her 'email only'.

For my own purposes, her intermittent 'status updates' and 'profile pic' changes make me think and I'm quite sure most of them are 'pointed' at me. So there is a valid reason to delete her. Her last "Wishes life was 'normal'" was laughable. The responses pretty much write themselves. A friend suggested I change mine to "Slowly returning to normal". But that is "engaging her" and showing her the 'buttons' still work.

But I'm not sure if deleting her sends the 'door closed' message. Keep in mind, I have been reminded by a few folks that "I don't want a divorce, right?"

[gutwrenching]

I wouldn't delete. Maintain current status quo. Any action like that (a) could lead to her mind reading that she is pushing bottons or (b) lead to drama that isn't necessary right now. Just let it go, don't think/worry about it.

[CD Bear]

Ah, Status Quo. My new favorite expression.

Got it from my L.

He said that the one thing they don't teach about in law school is Status Quo. And they should. The longer something stays one way, the harder it is for the other person to make a change.

He was of course referring to our current agreement on custody, finances and D2's care.

It's all working for me right now so no sense upsetting the smooth ride, right?

Thanks.

[MHL]

This could get interesting especially given my "trip" starting Thursday am.

The trip is about you CD, not what the wifey will be thinking about your trip or whatever.......safe travels!!

and yes......status quo is good.

Cheers

[ericmsant2]

Sometime doing nothing is just enough...

I love the status quo comment.

Eric