WAW 20 years and wants out

[Pensacolabroken]

Notfrom,

Yes it is a great feeling. Two quotes from Gen Patton fit this and give me strength:

1. Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory.
2. Make your plans to fit the circumstances.

Your question, about what do I want.. I want to STOP living in anguish and having it effect my health, my Son's emotions and I want us to get on with life.

Right now, I DONT WANT her back until she figures this crap out.

I would accept her "back" under the conditions that she :
1. Show complete reversal of her current direction and gets ri of her holy attitude like I did this.
2. Break it off with Douche Bag.
3. Commits to the marriage repair.

I will take her back only after that and then we can work on the R. But we will do this on my terms.

[Pensacolabroken]

Rattled her cage good. She is already showered Dressed and getting ready to leave.

She never leaves before 600am

[Pensacolabroken]

Round 2

She came downstairs all friendly and cordial... I told her I will seee her at the parent teacher conference. She said Yea I will be there..

then she made sure I saw her put the MC homework in her bag.

I left the room. She came in and said "what made you change your mind about me moving out? I said it doesnt matter. She said well the end of the month deadline isnt going to work, I need time and we need to figure out the money.. I told her to move in with her Boyfriend.. she said "I am not moving in with him" I said I dont really care where she goes. She said the OM was not the reason we are getting a divorce. I told her she is denial and is lying to me and I am done with it, I am looking my self in the mirror and liking what I see. I told her I am committed to MC for myself and my son. I am fixing my responsibility in the last 20 years, but she needs to accept her responsibility for what she has done for the last 2 months. She just gave me her eye roll. She said so you dont want to cohabitate and pay down all of our debt first.. I said NO.. I want you out.. I am finally taking action.. the door is open I am not controlling you.. you have what you want and you can leave..

I told her I am DONE discussing this I want her OUT.

she left..

[gutwrenching]

She said the OM was not the reason we are getting a divorce

Two things I take from this.
1) She is right and you should validate that. You did in a way but maybe could have done better. The A is not the root cause, the root cause is all the issues that led to this and as you know, you each have to work on those things

2) This is also typical WAS justifcation for what they are doing. Blaming the LBS for pushing them to the A. Unless the fog breaks, they will always say this and not actually realize they are partially correct

Now, try to maintain control of the emotions. I sense raging emotions in your posts. I might be wrong. But the calmer and more matter of fact you are, the better.

[Pensacolabroken]

Gut, not raging emotions, however, I feel empowered and excited like I am alive again. I agree about maintaining control..

[gutwrenching]

good to hear then! It does feel good to take control of your life doesn't it. So don't forget that feeling...but just don't become a jerk about it.

Also saw your post to me -- I am really pulling for you. But remember, you are very earli in a what is normally a long process. I know that is hard to hear right now and if you're like me, you are hoping to be the one to buck the trend...but probability is that the sitch will go on for months and months

[Pensacolabroken]

agree... I am sure I have a lot of roller coasting to do.. in the meantime the next move is hers.. her options are now going to have to be decided BY her.. so she truly is free...

[NotFromThesePart]

^^^^^^ This

My WAW cannot see that while OM is not the cause of our problems, ridding herself of him is the FIRST step in solving them. When I tell her she must end it. That he is a problem, she can't see that I understand we have other, BIGGER problemns.

You need to be very clear on this. BOTH parts. You'll likely need to say it a dozen times.

[Pensacolabroken]

Gucci and robx,

how do you think I did?

[Serenity13]

Pen~

how do you think I did

How do you think you did?

If you did it because you didn't like what you saw on the cell bill or you did it in the hopes of "waking her up" or you did it just because you are mad right now, then you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Do it because it is what is healthy for you and your son...

Don't do it for any other reason.

(((Hugs)))