Your H is hurting big time right now. To be honest with you I am not sure if what is going in with him is not more than just depression. He may need serious help. I say this not to upset you but because you need to start looking to get him help.
In terms of him finding himself, Jennifer you need to LET HIM GO. You can validate how he feels and as much as this hurts YOU need to the rock for your kids. I am not saying don't cry. No. Cry your eyes out just don't do it in front of the kids.
Look Jennifer as hard as this is you need to keep reminding yourself that this is his issue. Nothing you do can fix him.
Just love him and be as supportive as you can. As for the D convo I suggest that you tell him that the two of you can talk about it later.
My prayers are with you.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
