Well, like a lot of times, once there is someone else in the picture the WAS majically wants to return.
So it has happened here, too. I had a notebook of all the things that had happened with "the other guy" and H found it. It had to be Freudian, because of course I left it right out there in the open!
*just a recap--no sex, lots of flirty playful stuff including writing about him wanting to marry me in a little white chapel in North Carolina*
And like a lot of times happens around here, I now have no feelings for H, they are all for "other guy", and I can't see his efforts (if there are any) because, well, I think they are pretty poor. But they are there--he wants to go to another C.
Part of me is like "what the heck, one more round of this and then you will have ABSOLUTE PEACE that you have done EVERYTHING!!"
The other part of me just doesn't want to hear hours of how horrible I am. And how he feels nothing for me. I got a preview last night when I asked what he would say to a C??
I hate, hate, hate the idea of a D. Hate it. I feel I will be destitute by the end of this and lose my S.
But I hate the idea of being married to H. I will be in one of those forever-difficult marriages with a forever-difficult person. I know you grow spiritually from those--you do. And your kids probably benefit (??) by staying in an intact home.
And then H will have some more time to screw me royally. This is the BEST time to get a D, if I am to get anything financially. He has gone down to working 11 days a month. ELEVEN FREAKING DAYS!!! And I will be stuck at home watching television ALL FREAKING DAY WITH HIM.
I'd rather....omg...go to prison!! I'm stuck with a hostile, ugly, fat, gross, person--cleaning and cooking and watching his shows and rubbing his feet and you know what?? He has NO GOOD MEMORIES OF ME AT ALL!!!
