My Dad came into town and took care of me Dad style! It was kinda great. Got me some furniture I needed, helped me put it together. Insisted I needed speakers and a DVD player (I would have been fine) and hooked me up. It was really sweet.
We talked a lot about WH and his family and the dynamics within it. There was some tremendous insight.
For one, we had dinner with SIL on Thursday. She is the only one in the family that is not putting on blinders to WH's crap. FIL actually reprimanded her for not towing the family line! I feel so bad for her.
This launched a whole discussion about the men in WH's family and their wives. Everyone is married to some sort of "horrible" woman. The men are not expected to change their behavior in any way. They are allowed to come over to the family home (where I used to live) and escape their responsibilities.
So, what do you know, I've become just another b*tch that is married to a man in that family. The difference? I fought back. I am also independent and strong. The other wives? They are ALL housewives and 2 of them don't speak English well. They really are stuck both culturally and financially. Their lives are miserable because their husbands don't love them and won't contribute to the M.
Is it ANY wonder why my WH slowly stopped contributing to the M? And the more I tried to be the "good girl" and do what he wanted, the more lazy he got. Things kept on coming up and Dad would ask "well, did you tell WH that?" and I would always say "yes!"
Is it any wonder when I stopped giving him everything he wanted, he turned on me and had this A?
So, now we have a situation where WH is having an OVERT A. He is bringing OW to the house and everyone pretends everything is ok. He lies to them about the ways she has to help him with his work. SIL told me what he is saying and it is total CRAP!
It has only been 3 months since he came home this summer and said he wanted a separation. I did everything I could to make it work and then some. But he's been such an a$$hole, he's made it really easy to let him go.
I gave it some thought and I know what he would have to do if we were to R. He and I would have to sit down with his parents, then his PhD Adviser, then OW and her parents and he would have to explain to them ALL that he had been having an affair, that from now on he can no longer work with OW in any way because he wishes to recommit to his marriage. Then, he would need to go to therapy for himself to work out his issues.
I think about my WH and really believe that he has been slowly emotionally abusing me over the years. He has disregarded my happiness for years, while stringing me along me with promises. He has made promises to contribute to the M and never followed through. And, he has ALWAYS been a liar. Always. It was little things, but he lied all the time. I never thought about it that way, but that's who he has been.
No fault D takes a year to be final in my state. They require a one year separation agreement.
On a final note, he never got in touch with me about the credit card debt we shared. It was all transferred to one of my cards on a 0% interest. I asked him to either give me a small lump sum that would be revisited in February when the 0% ends or I would transfer half to one of his cards. Last night I did the transfer. 10% interest for him plus a $400 balance transfer fee. Oh well. Sucks to be him.
H32 Me32 together:10 M:5 No kids ILYBINILWY 7/28/10 OW found 8/15 A exposed 8/31 I Move 9/3 Dark 10/1
