Totally agree with you pinman, it is so tempting when you are having a hard time and feel like you have been kicked while down, but it's not what I want, but after a few drinks it felt like I did!!!
I think it's important that people understand the dangers of drinking in bars full of the opposite sex when you are going through a split, it is not productive.
I have been decorating, but I miss my wife and family, hate this period of my life, but I have to keep positive about the future.
In a way I am actually enjoying having the time to myself, but I love my wife!!
Was is hard is thinking if they are thinking about you, I know you should not do it, but your mind does wander??
So how do you change their thoughts about you, when you are not there, or is that the answer??
Give her something to think about.
Why - is he so upbeat?
What - is he doing?
Where - did he take that picture he posted on FB?
When - did he start wearing that cologne?
How - is he handling this so well?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Well she has been in touch today about money matters, sorted that out, she then asked me for more money for extra things for the kids, she mentioned I must have money as I went out on Saturday!!
I told her that I was still sorting everything out, she had all this planned while I have had it just dropped on me, that this was her decision and I was working out what I was going to do and I have my own life.
No answer!!!
She has to realise that she has left me, and she cannot just expect me to keep putting my hand in my pocket when she wants it, although I'm married to her, I have got the mindset that i'm not!, it just helps.
I have the kids tonight, really looking forward to it, I hate not seeing them.
She is getting in touch with me, I am not contacting her just answering back.
I spoke to a friend of ours at the weekend, and told her what had happened, she couldn't believe it and I asked her to keep it quiet, anyway she called me today to say that my wife had been in touch with her, sending her funny texts etc, but never mentioned what had happened, she actually said that if she is not telling her, then it looks like it's not a permanment situation, and she doesn't want people to know?, not sure myself, maybe she just wants to keep it private for now.
Anyway I move on, keep my head up, look after me and the kids, and what will be will be!!!!
She sent me another text last night asking for more money for things, I sent one back telling her I just cannot do it all!
She phoned me back and said that she had a lot to pay out with her new house and that I needed to pay for more things for the kids, I said that I was in the situation and would help if I could.
She then said that I should have moved out and sorted my issues out then came back!!!, rather than not going and therefore forcing her to leave and taking the children from their home, I said that I didn't want to leave my family, I never expected that we would split, but I have to work on me to make things right.
She was fine about it and said that we needed to sort the money side out.
By the sound of what she is saying this split is a temporary situation until I can show her my changes, she has never mentioned divorce and never pushed that I sell the house, so I guess its all down to me now to show her the changes in me.
The kids were great last night we had loads of laughs and they kept telling me how they missed me and loved me, broke my heart hearing them say that.
It's was the first time she has actually spoken to me properly in a week and it sounds like the reality of everything is starting to hit home, so do I continue to make no contact and stay detached, or do I start contact and try and show her the changes?
But it sounds like there could be a future for us, but it's down to me to make it happen.
By the sound of what she is saying this split is a temporary situation until I can show her my changes, she has never mentioned divorce and never pushed that I sell the house, so I guess its all down to me now to show her the changes in me.
DC,
I don't think this is a healthy way of looking at this. This is very one-sided, and (if I'm understanding DBing correctly), wouldn't this kinda be "pursuing," since everything you're doing, you're trying to do to win her back?
From what Coach, Robx, Pinhead, and some of the others have been saying, I think you're supposed to used this time apart to BE A BETTER DCSUK, and you should do it FOR yourself, not "to show her."
If she senses that you're doing these things "for show," it won't work.
