My W has mentioned numerous times how scared she is to take care of the girls by herself. Once I told her that if I had to choose between her having full custody and me having full, I'd choose her. She was really upset then...
Hi Pinhead, just checking in to see how you're doing this week. Sorry to hear the direction things have gone. For what it's worth, I admire the effort you put into saving your M. You don't know all the emotions you might end up going through in the upcoming months - I would think in the future, it will help you to know you did absolutely everything in your power to save the M. I would think people some who leave too quickly would end up having a lot of long-term doubt and unanswered questions, than those who exhaust all their options first. I know that's why I tried so hard in my M. I didn't want to end up years later, looking back, wondering - "I wonder if I would have tried 'this' or 'that', if it would have made a difference...."
Stay positive, take care. FMV.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Yeah, I do feel like I've done everything short of walking out or pushing her out. I wasn't strong enough or confident enough in myself at the time to know I'd be ok. My girls will be ok too. And who knows, maybe there's something left that can be rekindled. I'm a hopeful guy by nature, probably too much so. But I sure can tell when something's not working, or making things worse.
Still following your situation. There's something less than logical about your wife's attitude: she says she'll "do anything" to keep you with her, she's willing to ML without "feeling attraction", she's dead scared of being on her own with the girls, afraid of money matters... So why do you think she doesn't want to try thr "retrouvailles" weekend? It doesn't sound like a lot to ask of her if she's so desperate for you to stay. Is this a kind of "group therapy" thing? Is she too afraid of talking about private things in front of others? Have you asked her why she's not interested? Does she know that you'd really like to give it a try? Would it be possible to move out - give yourselves a break and a new perspective - but still aim at trying to get back together and making this weekend a goal? Good luck. It's so hard to feel the love you have for someone crumbling due to their neglect and their turning away. Someone else told you to take a break from budgeting and ruminating on figures. Your W seems unable to think of anything else. Can you take a small break, break the routine before you really do go? NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
I don't know what it was about Retro that lead to no real reaction. She probably thinks it's just more MC. I mentioned it to her 2x, so I figure that's enough.
Moving out is mostly for me. I'd love it to be a tactic that brings her back, but I've tried so many tactics to be catnip to no avail. I really think that she'll just go on with life as best she can without me.
And I can't really wait much longer. I don't want to leave in the middle of the holidays, and if I want to move out by Nov 5th, I need to get my app approved soon.
After getting my oldest daughter's parent/teacher report, I'm really worried that it's affecting her poorly. I know her and I fight almost every morning, mostly my fault. So that has to stop...
I wasn't strong enough or confident enough in myself at the time to know I'd be ok. My girls will be ok too.
Well, maybe that's what the last few months were about then. Doesn't sound like it was a waste of time then. So don't be worrying 'oh if only I left earlier' - if you had, you might not have made the personal gains that you did. The road to inner strength, confidence and self-acceptance is always bumpy and can hurt; I don't think it's supposed to be smooth.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Pinhead, I can sympathise about the children. They'll be affected, but I can see my own kids have been more affected by their Dad's unwillingness to explain or talk about the situation, the future with them, and by seeing him nasty and cold and rejecting of me, than by his leaving. If he'd been kinder and more open to me and to them, instead of refusing to explain or reassure, things would've gone better. I've done explaining on his part, in his absence, tried to be as loyal as possible, stress his love of them, but it's not his apptmt they really dislike, it's having a Dad who's all activities and taking them places, yet refusing to ta
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
... to talk about our situation or anything related. He behaves as though the eldest doesn't really exist anymore, and with the others as though the elephant in the sitting room wasn't really there, everything is hunky dory.
They've seen me sad, but I've never avoided any subject with them, been as honest as I can. So they know where they are with me, and they can trust and feel better.
So tell them everything in terms they can handle, don't leave any mysteries, and they'll be ok. That's what I'm trying to do. There are tantrums and tears, but they're calming down. And there's no OP in your situation, so it should be easier for you both.NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
