Well unfortunately FOR NOW that is your answer.

You have only been at this for a couple months. If it had been a year then it would send a different, more concrete message.

The only thing you can do is LET HIM GO. DROP THE ROPE. MOVE ONE WITH YOUR LIFE. Give him what he wants. Not the D part. That part you can stall on. Get another attorney that actually has your best interests in mind and fight for what YOU WANT.

Meanwhile. Take this time to WORK on YOU. Find out what made you "explore" in the first place. Figure out why you NEEDED that ATTENTION. Time for you to have a LOVE AFFAIR with yourself. I know that sounds lame, but you really need to CONTINUE figuring out these CO-DEPENDENT issues.

Life is too short to pine away for someone that doesn't APPRECIATE or WANT YOU. Again. You screwed up. We all make mistakes. Forgive yourself or he will never be able to forgive you either.