My Situation - any thoughts or ideas

[XYZ]

She's digging because she's starting to plan what she can afford going forward, etc.

[pookie69]

She's digging because she's starting to plan what she can afford going forward, etc.

Do you have your own plan for that?

You need to take lead on this.

[XYZ]

Our financial situation is pretty complex. We own two businesses have multiple IRAs/401(k)/Savings/Kids College/ etc and lots of debt too. She's never been involved in it (even though I've been asking her for years to help, but that's another story) and is now VERY concerned about her ability to make ends meet. And rightfully show. She'll be very tight. We live in a very nice home and neither of us will have anything near as nice when this is all done.

[pookie69]

So what is YOUR plan for this?

[XYZ]

I'm just being cool about it. I'm not moving until our house sales and it's not even on the market - it will be months before that happens. If she chooses to move out, that's her business and we can split finances then. Until that happens, I'm cool as a cat about it.

[XYZ]

Pinhead - you wrote this in July:

"MakingProgress - You're right. She's trying to rewrite history so that she feels better about leaving. I guess I do the same thing to make myself feel like she should stay. She's immature and spoiled, and I've been too.

She'll say stuff like "I know you don't want me to be around," knowing full well that I want the opposite. She has no clue how much this hurts me. Last night I woke up (again) in the middle of the night, and the first thought I had was "she's leaving."

She wants help in figuring out all the finances, where she should live, how much she can afford, it's driving me crazy. We're so in debt, and she won't be able to pay for any of it, yet I feel like I need to help her out with paying for a good apt so my daughters don't have to live in a sh#thole. We want joint custody, but she still doesn't make enough working fulltime to pay for all she'll need.

I don't want my daughters to suffer; but how much should I be willing to help out? My faith also tells me that my wedding vows don't end when she leaves me, so it's hard for me not to want her to be ok. I mean, I love her, and want her to be happy, safe and secure.

I'm just confused. I need to detach more, but I'm a wreck. The only thing working right now is my exercising and faith. Yet I feel tested every moment I'm awake."

Except for a son and a daughter, I could have said the exact same thing today...xyz

[pinhead]

I feel for you. I wouldn't wish the last four months on anyone. And that's even taking into consideration the personal growth I've been able to accomplish.

[pookie69]

So she is working on her plans for her future.

What are you doing about yours?

You need a plan so you won't get caught with your pants around your ankles the day she is going to tell you yours. What would your reaction be?

Meanwhile I'm not saying that you need to rush to put the house on the market but it won't hurt to get some realtors business cards and leave them laying around along with some releastate brochures looking to rent or buy a new place.

You are taking notice of her doings font think she won't notice you "planning" something.

And get to the bottom of the possibility of OM.

You can manage.

[XYZ]

Thanks pookie. Good advice.

[pookie69]

We all came here hysterical.

Focus on the process not the outcome.

Set goals, make plans and execute.

Check for reaction, reaim your sights and fire again.

One calibrated shot at the time.

Uh, and don't forget about the wind.