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Originally Posted By: Atossup
"I didn’t think we said it was OVER – last we spoke, I was trying to sort out all of my feelings and breaking off what I am involved in now??"

WTF?
How about responding:

"I've sorted out my own feelings and I am clear that I am unwilling to continue in a marriage without a clear commitment."

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Atossup Offline OP
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I like that Arnie. Should have used it as of now I am dark.
I know tomorrow she will want to know what I talked about with Co? What I am going to addresss with him is me moving on. getting unstuck. So that when she goes Thurs he may tell her that I am prepared to move on.

She just called me now. Left a mesaage saying sorry but I need my mini food processer from the house!

Again WTF? She wanted NC now she has it and now she breaks it??

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Quote:
She just called me now. Left a mesaage saying sorry but I need my mini food processer from the house!


"it's in the box under your clothes in the garage."


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Thanks!
Originally Posted By: Atossup
She just called me now. Left a mesaage saying sorry but I need my mini food processer from the house!

Again WTF? She wanted NC now she has it and now she breaks it??
Consider something like: "Since I was told that there was wish for NC, I am confused as to why I then received a phone call."

This puts it back in her lap without blaming or criticizing (imo).

[btw - the word 'you' when stating one's needs in a 'problem area' tend to be counter-productive. 'You' isn't needed here since she knows which phone call is being referred to!]

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Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
She just called me now. Left a mesaage saying sorry but I need my mini food processer from the house!


"it's in the box under your clothes in the garage."



"It's at Sears, on first floor, one isle over from Ginsu Knives."



Enjoy the Silence
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Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
They HAVE to get used to not having you around


Absolutely. They cannot miss you if you are always there.

Originally Posted By: Atossup
Well I did it. She and I talked yesterday and again the friend crap came up so I told her we are married and she is still with OG. Oh yes she came back from girls weekend Saturday and hooked up with him that night and "partied". So I told her that's it.
That if she isn't going to respect our marriage that we need to move on. She already texted me this morning about Co tomorrow. I told her that I will let Co know its over and we need to make a plan to move forward and she can cancel Thurs for her appoint.
This really sucks but I know its right.


Good for you, Toss.

Leave her processor on the doorstep and text her her it's there. Then go completely dark. Do not respond to any of her text messages, phone calls, nothing.

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Atossup Offline OP
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Yeah Rondo is finally getting some cahoonaies! Why would she act like this?
Wants to be friends, wants to talk . Just sent me another email that she did not want NC, just no relationship talk.
And this crap..

"I didn’t think we said it was OVER – last we spoke, I was trying to sort out all of my feelings and breaking off what I am involved in now."

I know how to break it off. Just do it!!

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Rman, keep the NC up. It's having some effect. Probably won't help, but it's better than getting chewed up by her behaviour.

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Atossup Offline OP
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It is having an effect already. I'll give it some time.

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Originally Posted By: Atossup
I like that Arnie. Should have used it as of now I am dark.
I know tomorrow she will want to know what I talked about with Co? What I am going to addresss with him is me moving on. getting unstuck. So that when she goes Thurs he may tell her that I am prepared to move on.

She just called me now. Left a mesaage saying sorry but I need my mini food processer from the house!

Again WTF? She wanted NC now she has it and now she breaks it??


You are fine as is,
no need to continue with messages,
in fact, don't reply to anything at all,
unless it has something to do with the kids if you have any or how to move the D process along faster, you have nothing left to discuss with her.

You did what you were supposed to do,
you finally put your foot down,
partying with the OM was a clear violation of your boundary and you won't stand for it anymore.
I hope she enjoyed the partying, I hope it was worth losing you over it, now you give her a taste of fear of loss, you now you give her a taste of someone calling the shots when it comes to two people, she won't like it, it's ok though, she didn't mind putting you through this crap, let her tread water for a while, see how she likes it when you totally reject her and it's something you have to do, not for a day, few days, a week or so, it has to be for real, she has to realize that you won't put up with that crap behavior anymore.

For you own sanity, not just for your marriage.

You need to realize your self-worth again,
you determine how valuable you are, she took you for granted, now she realizes it when it's too late.

Stick to your guns.

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