Still needing some encouragement

[ericmsant2]

I feel its all because I wont have sex with him the way he wants.]/quote]
Answer me this….healthy boundaries are FOR WHO?

[quote]I told him NO several times today, that I dont like the violence.

Kissak, I do not want any of the details BUT, you may really need to start thinking about how healthy this is for YOU.

well his reply was, maybe if I gave him what HE wanted I would get what I want. Ugh!

Manipulation and CONTROL. So are you going to allow him to continue to control you?

How can I get him to understand that I just DO NOT want to have sex with him or can I look at him with desire when he refused to even kiss me, and is never doing anything or saying anything NICE to me at all?

You can lead a horse to water but ya can’t make him…..
You cannot get him to “see” anything that HE chooses not to. Your statement though sounds like YOU are a victim! You are only a victim IF you allow YOURSELF to be.

He doesnt get it, its all about HIM

Did you forget that your H is in MLC? Also, he makes everything about HIM….so what should YOU make everything about? Psst….is starts with the letter Y and ends with a U.
Should you focused on HIM or YOU?

I feel like I may as well be a paid, well...you know...I just feel used is all.

I, I, I, I, I……
What DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU….
Stop being a victim and stop giving him all of this control over YOU. He is angry in the bedroom, we’ll then he should not get “any”. Period. You should not feel like a “paid” servant.

He didnt seem to care what I did.

The bigger question…is WHY do YOU care that HE did not care about WHAT you did. Sounds to me that you are still reacting to what he thinks and does.

I told him how I didnt like how he treated me...in the bedroom. He said it was just to get a reaction out of me and that he always got the reaction he expected (not the one he wanted but expected).

Personally Kisaak you need to look at the above statement. He is totally manipulating YOU and trying to make YOU “feel” like you need to live up to your wifely duties. Personally, I think you need to put a stop to it. If it were me, the next time he wanted to have “violent/angry, self satisfying sex” well I would hand him a jar of Vaseline and some klennex and say knock yourself out.

OK, how can I make it any clearer that I am attracted to my H physically, but NOT emotionally?

What do you think happens when you reward BAD behavior?

What sucks is that he is sitting around all day long thinking IM THE ONE making HIM unhappy.

Kissak – you have been at this for a while now, why do you continue to look at him. Why do you continue to associate your happiness, your life to him? That sista is the bigger question.

The one that is much harder to address.

You can love him and still be married….just make sure that YOU love YOURSELF as well.

Today I got a text from my h. He wants to know what is up with me lately, that I seem different???? That I have a different attitude lately or something!

Maybe it is a good time to let him know that going forward you will NOT allow him to treat you like chit emotionally and sexually. Having said this, you must be prepared to deal with whatever his response is. Another option would be to say nothing.

Eric