Should I Tell Her To Move Back.....?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

TH,

Honestly I am on the fence. I was totally check out a few months ago and started moving forward with my life.

I Started to date b/c I felt I was ready too have a R with someone.

This OW from school is really not an issue. I Thaink she's nice and attractive but Somethings telling me not to persue her. And since she wouldn't date me to I'm officially D I told her it could be 6-9 months b4 that may happen.
She still want to remain friends. I haven't spoken to her other than the school funtion last night.

I was out of limbo b/c I decided to move on. Now I feel that I'm back in there b/c W made a feable attempt to say she wanted to work on M.

I now she's knows I'm OK with D and b/c she told me so. I am happy now and she noticed the changes. She even said to me that if she didn't leave me then I wouldn't be where I'm at today.
Maybe/ maybe not. That's not a fair statement.

I do miss the family life but I can't do it just for the kids. She couldn't stay for the kids so it has to be for the right reasons.

She said she wanted us to talk. From the history of my sitch, she has dragged her feet on every decision thus far. I was the one pushing for mediation, the finances with the house and other things.

Mediation went well for me. The only items on the board are the investments, which I need to let the mediator know about and her take of the equity in the house, which is something she as to look into.
So with that being said should I email W about the agreement?
Asking her what value she expects to receive?

Seems like when she's faced with decision like that it motives her to think about life w/o me.

IDK. It's a tough call.

Trying to be patient, just wanting to move forward either way.

[TimeHeals]

I see you dilemma.

If it is important to you to wind these last financial steps up to move on, then do that. If you want to do it no matter what the outcome, then do it.

So long as you aren't doing it to provoke a response. If it's TCB, then go ahead. Finances and no R talk other than the business end of it unless she brings it up.

But... it probably isn't going to be pretty. But if moving on is that important right now, then do it.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

At first I was going to do it to provoke a response but now I will let things develop at there on pace.

W told friend she stopped reading the book for awhile and our friend told her to continue reading.

I will give W a chance to prove herself to me. She has trust issues right now, Our friend said to me she doesn't know if I could love her they way she needs to loved.
I said to our friend, "well, isn't that an issue with any other person too?"

Trust is something you earn.

Patiently waiting.

[gutwrenching]

Be patient...that is what you would advise others on the board. You have come a long ways...you have put up with a lot...

[futureunknown]

Our friend said to me she doesn't know if I could love her the way she needs to loved.

My W said the exact same thing to me, word for word. Amazing.

[TimeHeals]

And it's largely malarkey and backward. It loosely translates into, "She doesn't know if she can love you the way she wants to feel love".

In short, she doesn't feel the way she wants to feel about you.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Thinking about the four phases of reconciliation today and of course the first step is friendship.

I don't feel awkward around my friends. With that being said, Friday night I felt extremely awkward being around W.

I only engaged in convo with her about the kids and I intiated it.
She didn't intiate any convo with me.

I know piecing is not to be rushed but right now it feels like it needs to shift three gears to get to a snails pace.

I know GW, I would tell myself something like this:

You didn't get here in a day, week or month, so healing will take just has long, if not longer.

[TimeHeals]

Thinking about the four phases of reconciliation today and of course the first step is friendship.

Is it really? I think this is possibly dangerous because the word "friend" is loaded and has many meanings when it comes to male/female relationships.

Friend can be "my gay boyfriend", for example.

In my M, the first step was re-committing to an exclusive relationship (she said she wanted us to date, and she didn't think either one of us should see other people if we were going to do that).

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Hey Fut.

where are you now (with your W)? I have been reading so many sitches I forgot who do what now.



Like Kalni said to me in the piecing forum.

The trust issue is like the chicken and egg; She doesn't want to trust things will be better and we want to see them do the work.

How to intiate the process is where I'm stuck.

I am going to keep doing what's been working and have the faith W will come to my picnic.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

TH,

By friendship, there needs to be honest giving. Recommitment is later on in the process.

How can you recommit with someone your not friends with?

I agree there needs to be an understanding that neither party will date.