LBS Living...

[irishblessings]

Day 4 of my 4-day weekend. Was moving along fairly well until yesterday's events. Today, woke up and got S out the door with hot chocolate (his favorite).

Emailed H as follow-up to events with S. Asked him to communicate when/if he gives S money and if they are meeting up just so that I can stay on top of S's activities.

I was really, really angry with H yesterday. For him to withhold this kind of information about S was beyond crazy. I truly believe that he just did not want his day off inconvenienced by having to deal with parenting. We had it out on the phone and for the first time since all of this began I said things that I had been holding back. I told him that I could not believe how detached he was from the kids. That he thought they were immune. That he had absolutely no idea what life had become for them and for me. He came back with "well if you would be amicable about this and had cooperated it would all be different." I said that I was willing to be amicable while we were working to move to a structured separation with the counselor but that when he refused I could not. I also said that I could not be cooperative by lying to the kids saying that "we" wanted the marriage to end / "we" wanted this/that. I told him that once he went back to phone lines and f****d the hooker in June - everything changed.

I didn't bring up the fact that he said his hotel room had two beds so that S could spend the night. The truth is it has one bed. I didn't bring up the fact that he has not given a dime to S. I didn't say anything about him telling the kids about his bartender. I didn't say anything about him texting instead of talking. I didn't say anything about the losses. I didn't say anything about standing.

I read a line recently about God and anger. I think it was God said "be angry but do not sin"

I am angry and for the first time I felt justified. Why has it taken so long? Now I need to be productive with it.