cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

Having a rough time. I am really tired because I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't feel well all weekend. So far no major symptoms so I guess my body is doing it's best to fight this thing.

Also today is the day exactly one year ago that H left me again, but this time without a fight (at least until he left his ipod and I read an e-mails between H and OW about H getting D'd and how he needed to remember his winter clothes, although he was telling me that he would be back in a few weeks). Of course he never came back, and that started the worst part of my life. I spiralled downward for a while. Hard to think back on that because I wasted so much time trying to get him back just to fail. The only good part is I became stronger and better person.

Also with this thinking about how one day I will be alone and that will be weird. This weekend I spent Saturday night with my B and SIL and another couple. It was my B and SIL's 6 year anniversary and the other couples 5 year anniversary is next weekend. Very sad to me because I am not apart of that anymore and I don't see myself ever being a part of that again. I don't feel right now like I could ever put myself out there, and with S and my job I don't have the time. S is dropped off by H at 7 on his weekends and that is my only time without S. Plus the point that there is not even one single guy around that I know doesn't help. I am totally against the online thing (although I am ok with others doing it) because that is how H would get his online sex partners. I don't want any part of that because H lied about everythign to these girls and knowing my luck that is who I would end up attracting so no go for me.

As you can tell just a little down right now, but I will be up again soon. This week is a full week and next week is a 3 day week and I am heading to TN for S and my 1st vacation just the two of us. It is to my step-brother's wife's baby shower (we are closer than the title) and it should be fun. My check engine light is now on all the tiem so hopefully I hear from the dealer today or tomorrow like they said I would. Finally, nothing from the L which is really starting to annoy me.